Transcript:Futurama (video game)

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Transcript for
Futurama (video game)
Written byJ. Stewart Burns
Transcribed byQuolnok


Please be aware that as this transcript is of the game itself, not the special feature of The Beast with a Billion Backs, there are differences between the two.
[Scene: Planet Express conference table; Fry, Leela and Bender are sitting around, bored, until Professor Farnsworth shuffles in wearing a sombrero.]

Professor: Good news, everyone; I've sold Planet Express to Mom!

[Fry & Leela gasp, Bender stutters.]

Bender: Also, why are you wearing that funky hat?

Professor: Whu? Oh, this? No reason. [He throws it away.]

Fry: Hmm. That was odd. Mighty odd.

Leela: Are you off your nut Professor? How could you sell the company to Mom?

Professor: I had to; we've been losing money. Perhaps my strategy of using a giant space ship to deliver one package at a time wasn't as clever as I thought. Plus you three never actually charged anyone!

Fry: Yeah, sorry about that.

Leela: [simultaneous] Sorry.

Bender: Aww, this bends.

Professor: Oh, fuff. It's not like this is the end of the world as we know it!

[Fry picks up a remote and turns on the TV, Morbo and Linda are on screen. There is a picture of the Earth behind them, with the words "THE END" written on it.]

Morbo: This is the end of the world as we know it. With her recent purchase of Planet Express, evil entrepreneur Mom now owns over 51% of the Earth, making her it's supreme ruler.

Bender: Has anyone noticed how Fry always seems to turn on the TV at just the right moment?

Morbo: At the risk of editorialising, this reporter applauds the demise of the pathetic human species. Mwahahaha!

Linda: [Laughs simultaneously] The situation is indeed grim. We go now to a live statement from Mom.

[The TV now shows Mom in her office]

Mom: Oh, don't worry dearies. The only change I'm making is that "Mother Earth" will now be called "Mom Earth".

Fry: Aww, that's cute.

[Mom's fat suit folds away and disappears, revealing her skin-tight bodysuit]

Mom: Also, you're all my slaves and anyone who doesn't report before curfew tonight will be blasted by Hover-bot Death Troopers!

[The army of troopers is shown, the TV turns off]

Professor: Okay, okay. In hindsight, maybe I shouldn't have sold her Planet Express. Must be my hind cataracts.

Leela: Well, the Earth isn't safe anymore. As captain I propose we get the hell out'a here!

Fry: Second!

Bender: Amen, sister.

Professor: To the ship!

[The crew run over to the lift, while the Professor shuffles.]
[Scene: Hangar, the ship is deformed and the front is blackened. The stairway/front leg collapses.]

Fry: Oh no! The ship's all whanged up! Who could have done such a thing?

[Everyone looks at Bender]

Bender: It wasn't me this time, I swear!

Professor: No matter, we need to repair the ship and we need to do it fast! Leela; you start banging on the control panel.

Leela: I'm on it.

Professor: Bender; you'll have to bend the ship back into shape.

Bender: Man, how come I always have to do all the bending around here?

Professor: And Fry; you... err... What exactly do you know how to do?

Fry: I can burp the alphabet! [Burps] A, [burps] B, [burps] D. No, wait!

Professor: Ooh. I've got a mission for you; find a hammer.

Fry: [burping] Yes, sir!

[Scene: Fry wanders around the hangar and notices a hammer under a stack of objects in the corner]

Fry: The hammer! At the bottom of a giant pile of dangerous rubble!

[He reaches down and pulls the hammer free, the pile shifts and falls on top of him as he screams. The words "GAME OVER" appear]
[Scene: In the Professor's lab, Farnsworth and the rest of the crew stand around a toaster-like machine, about the size of a small car. The lever pops up and Fry appears from the chamber at the top]

Fry: What happened?

Leela: You were crushed under two tonnes of debris.

Bender: And you died! [He laughs] It was so funny! [He laughs some more until realising Fry is staring angrily] I guess you had to be there.

Fry: If that's me dead over there, who am I here?

Professor: You're also you, thanks to my latest invention, the Reanimator! When you die, it will automatically make an exact duplicate of you, based on your x-rays, a DNA sample and scrapings from the inside of your tennis shoes.

Fry: Wow! When did you invent it?

Professor: About a week ago, and I've been trying to kill you to test it ever since.

Leela: So what was death like Fry?

[As he replies she grows more and more interested]

Fry: Well, first everything went dark, then this bright light appeared, and it said, "Game over".

[Leela looks annoyed]
[Cut to: Fry standing in the hangar with the Professor]

Fry: Oh, Professor! Here's the hammer I died getting for you.

Professor: The whu? Oh, you can keep that piece of junk. I only made you to look for it to get you out of my metaphorical hair.

[Fry suddenly holds the hammer up and smiles]

Professor: Now if you want to look for some tools I actually need, why don't you find the ones missing from my tool rack.

Fry: Okay, which ones are missing?

Professor: All of them, they're all in the building somewhere and I can't fix the ship without them. Can you find them and put them back?

Fry: No problem oh.

[Scene: Fry looks for items]

Fry: What is this some kind of tutorial?

[He enters the basement]

Fry: Huh, looks like Bender had his way with the boiler again. I'd better not step in any of the black gunk.

[Fry dies again and is re-animated]

Fry: He-he-he, that tickles!

[He puts back a few tools]

Fry: There, now to look for the rest of the Professor's tools. Stupid old, stupid head.

[Scene: Fry has found the all tools, everyone is standing at the tool rack]

Professor: There, all my tools are back in place, even the ones I didn't need.

Fry: Ones you didn't need! Rrr!

[Leela holds him back. Farnsworth laughs]

Professor: Sadly though, there was one part I was unable to repair.

Bender: Not the dark matter engine, not the dark matter engine.

Professor: The dark matter engine!

Bender: Aww, crap!

Leela: But don't we have a backup engine?

Professor: We did, but we never used it, it being backup and all. So I pawned it.

Fry: You p-pawned it? Why?

Professor: For the same reason everyone pawns everything in America, to get a gun.

[He hands the gun to Fry, who holds it up in front of himself]

Professor: Now go to the pawnshop and get back our engine.

Fry: But there's a curfew! Hover-bot Death Troopers are roaming the street.

Professor: Ah, yes. Then you'll have to take the sewers.

[Farnsworth lifts a grate on the hangar floor.]

Fry: B-b-but what about the sewer mutants?

Professor: I gave you a gun! What do you want a flowered dress? Now stop being a wussy and get going.

[Scene: Fry travels to the pawnshop via New New York's sewers]

Fry: Eew. [Gags] Smells like... What's it called? You know, the stuff you find in sewers? Ahh, it's not important.

[Fry meets a sewer mutant.]

Fry: Aargh! It's a m-m-m-mutant!

[Fry makes it into the Old New York subway at Spring St station]

Fry: Wow, I had my first kiss in a subway car just like that one! Huh, homeless people.

[Fry ascends from West 4th Street station into Old New York]

Fry: Ah, Old New York. Over there is where I first got Mugged! [Muttering] Homeless people.

[He enters The Scrap Bar]

Fry: Hey, that beam looks like it's about to give way!

Fry: Say, that beam looks none too sturdy.

[Eventually, Fry makes it though a shopping centre and out into New New York's red light district]
[Scene: two robots are on a balcony, one armed.]

Robot #1: Does this casing make me look fat?

Robot #2: Stop asking me that.

[Scene: Fry is in an enclosed street, Mom's transmissions can be heard through the speaker systems]

Mom: Please be advised, Mom's Old Fashioned Curfew is now in effect. Only Death Troopers and bad guys should be out on the streets.

[After travelling a few blocks]

Fry: Hey a robot hooker. Looks like I'm back in New New York.

[Fry sound makes it into a laundromat uptown]

Death Trooper #1: So, uhh, how was your power down time?

Death Trooper #2: Great! But, you know, towards the end of it, I was itching to get back to work.

[Scene: Fry enters a heavily guarded area, a garage opens]

Death Trooper #3: I know I'm supposed to like robot women, but sometimes, well...

Death Trooper #4: You like human women? [He and the other troopers stare at Trooper #3]

Death Trooper #3: No, robot men.

Death Trooper #4: Oh. [He coughs and looks away. The other Troopers look at each other]

[After clearing out the garage]

Fry: Wow! A chicken walker! Lets take this baby for a test drive!

[He enters the mech and starts it walking]

Fry: Why use my own legs like an idiot, when I can use a chicken walker!

Fry: Woo! I made it uptown, where all the swanky pawnshops are.

[Mom's transmission from earlier replays a few times]
[Scene: Fry makes it to Rook Takes Pawnshop and heads in]

Pawnbroker: Hey, I heard you were comin', I got your engine right here.

Fry: All right!

[Scene: Planet Express hangar; Leela, Bender and the Professor see Fry enter from the hallway with the engine]

Professor: Fry! You have the engine! Great work. You've surprised us all, and pleasantly this time.

Leela: Yeah, Fry's great and we all love him, now let's roll.

Bender: Shotgun!

[Cut to: Fry and Bender loading the Reanimator onto the ship.]
[Scene: Ship's bridge. Leela is in her chair and Farnsworth is tightening a large bolt with a wrench. Fry and Bender enter]

Professor: There, the engine's in place.

Fry: And we've got that gizmo that gives me more lives!

Leela: Prepare for lift-off!

[The ship flies off and out of Earth orbit]

Bender: Farewell, big blue ball of idiots.

[Scene: Mom's Friendly Robot Company HQ, Mom's office]

Mom: Universe, prepare to be taken over! I give you, Spaceship Earth! [She presses a button]

[Cut to: The Earth is seen. At the equator, a nose cone grows from the Atlantic Ocean, an engine emerges from New Guinea and the Pacific Ocean to the East and North of the island, and wings emerge on other parts of the equator]
[Cut back to: Mom's office, her sons are there with her. An alarm sounds.]

Walt: A ship appears to be leaving the planet mother.

Mom: What?! Show me!

Larry: It's right here on the radar screen.

Mom: Damn it, Larry! Radar's been obsolete for centuries! Use the Stereopticom! [She slaps him]

Larry: I deserve that. Thank you.

[He turns and presses a button. We can now clearly see the Planet Express Ship flying past Jupiter]

Mom: The Planet Express Ship! So, they're trying to escape, ay? No matter, we'll just have to hunt them down like common kittens.

[She presses a button, Spaceship Earth moves slightly, but the engines fail.]

Mom: More power!

Larry: Aye, aye, Mom, sir.

[He pulls a lever; the planet moves slightly more this time.]

Mom: More, more! Pull harder, you son of a me!

[She slaps him again; the planet-ship bursts forward a little more]

Mom: Sweet butt-crust on a cracker! Who'd have thought this miserable little planet would be so heavy?

Larry: Uh, Walt would.

Mom: How dare you Walt! [She slaps him]

Walt: Oww.

[Scene: A ship shaped like Mom's head flies toward and lands on a large orange asteroid. The mouth opens and Mom and her sons descend down a ramp on a small platform. Sal walks over to them from a junkyard with a sign reading "Sal and Son's"]

Sal: Welcomes to Sal's Salvage. What can I dos youse for?

Mom: I need a spaceship engine. Nothing special. Well, except it has to be powerful enough to move the Earth.

Sal: The Earth? Holy Jesuses! For that, you're gonna needs a dark matter engine and a big ones at thats!

Mom: Money's no object, as I will soon be taking over the universe. Perhaps you've heard of it?

Sal: Hmm, a dark matter engines. You're gonna have to finds the guy who inventeds it, Hubert Farnsworth.

Mom: That old goat from Planet Express! But he just got away, that son of a no good mother loving piece of-

Sal: Don't worries, I've gots an idea. I mean, an ideas.

[Scene: The Planet Express Ship is now flying through the same asteroid field. Farnsworth enters the bridge]

Professor: Good news! I've programmed the Reanimator to work for Bender as well.

Bender: So now I can die and come back to life like Fry? [Bouncing slightly] Does that mean?

Professor: Yes! You're a playable character.

Bender: [Tearfully] This is the happiest day of my life. Wah-ah.

[The ship is suddenly hit by a green bean of light. The crew make various panicked noises]
[Scene: Sal's Salvage; he is at a control panel in an outhouse, with Mom and her sons nearby]

Sal: I gots 'em in the suck beam.

Mom: Lovely. Now to real them in like the blithering blowfish they are.

[Scene: The Planet Express Ship's occupants are still panicking]

Leela: We seem to be caught in some sort of suck ray, but I'm still in control. Everyone just remain calm.

Bender: We're gonna die! It's every robot for himself!

[Bender runs to the cargo hold and presses a button. The hatch opens below the Reanimator and he drops through a gap. On the surface Mom and her family watch as he screams and falls]

Walt: Umm, that robot appears to be escaping.

Mom: Yes, escaping to certain death!

[She begins laughing evilly; Walt joins in. Igner then starts laughing, clearly unaware what is happening. The other two stop and stare at him.]
[Scene: Bender continues falling.]

Bender: Well I'm boned.

[He screams some more before hitting the surface and smashing to bits. The Reanimator lands on the parts, then activates. Bender pops out from the top.]

Bender: He-he-he-he. I'm back, baby! [He climbs down.]

Professor: Bender! You mechanical marvel. Are you there?

Bender: Huh? What? Who said that? Is it God?

Professor: No. Though, I'm as old as him.

Bender: Oh, hey Professor. What are you doing inside my head?

Professor: I'm transmitting over your internal radio. Hello. Our ship is still trapped in the suck ray. We need you to find the source of the beam and disable it.

Bender: What's in it for me, Bender?

Professor: Uh, we'll rescue you and take you with us off this god-forsaken asteroid.

Bender: No deal.

Professor: I've got a box of magazines, with fembot centre fold.

Bender: Roger that, over and out.

[Scene: Bender wanders a canyon filled with weasel like aliens. He finds a pit and knocks over a rock to cross it.]

Bender: I sure am lucky that rock tower just happened to be there.

[When Bender comes to a dead end on a quicksand path, he finds a boulder.]

Bender: Just as I suspected, boulders do float in quicksand.

[He finds a blocked cave prepared with explosives and sets the timer.]

Bender: Foot cups don't fail me now! [It explodes at a safe distance] That was beautiful.

[Bender knocks down a boulder to fill in a gap, so he can cross.]

Bender:[chuckles]

[Scene: Bender Approaches a cave guarded by Igner on a turret.]

Igner: The metal-man's alive! Mommy's not gonna like that.

[Bender clears the rubble blocking the path to Igner.]

Igner: If you see Mommy, tell her I killed you!

[Scene: Bender continues onward and winds up in a mine]

Bender: Oh-oh, it's a mine level. These things are amomum. [?]

[Bender finds an area filled with machinery, and Larry is waiting for him]

Larry: Prepare to be crushed, and subsequently smelted, and then recycled into metal seatbelts. [He activates the machines]

Bender: Seatbelts? Never! I endanger lives, not save them.

[After escaping and wandering the valley, Bender finds a ship]

Bender: Whoa! It's an old galactic exportain ship. These were so cool when I was a kid, three years ago.

[Scene: Bender, having made it most of the way, is stopped by Walt in a tank.]

Walt: I see you've gotten by my feeble minded brothers, which is good! Because now I get to kill you.

[Bender uses nearby turrets to attack]

Bender: Eat lead. And by lead I mean me! 40% lead, baby.

[The turrets trigger the tank's explosion]

Walt: Cursed robot! You haven't seen the last of me! Unless you die before I see you again, in which case you haaave! [His escape pod launches him safely away]

[Scene: Bender walks the short distance into Sal and Son's and finds the suck beam's controls]

Bender: Now to save my friends, and get me some fembot foldouts.

[He pulls the lever and the Planet Express ship descends to pick him up before flying off to safety]

Professor: Good work Bender! You've saved us from Mom's evil arthritic clutches.

Bender: [looking at one of the magazines] Yeah, good. Good, good, good.

Fry: So what now, Professor? Are you going to invent something that saves the day? That's what you usually do.

Professor: Alas, I'm not that skilled an inventor. But I know someone who is! My mentor, and former graduate advisor, Adoy. He lives here on the planet Bogad. [Farnsworth points to a 2D map of space with stars in a triangular formation pointing towards a planet.]

Leela: But that's in the furthest corner of the universe, and we don't even have enough dark matter fuel to get out of the solar system!

Professor: Then I guess you'll have to find some, Leela.

Leela: Me? But I'm not playable!

Professor: You are now.

[Cut to: The cargo hold, where the Reanimator now has a third name listed on the dial.]

Leela: Woo-hoo! In your face, non-playable characters!

[Suddenly the ship begins shaking; Mom's ship has latched onto it.]
[Scene: A heavily armed Mom and her sons enter the bridge and confront the crew]

Mom: The jig is up, snot heads!

Fry: But we just got away from you!

Bender: Hmm, I probably should have disabled their ship or something when I was down on that asteroid. Well, live and learn.

Professor: What do you want? Mom.

Mom: I've come for the blueprints to your dark matter engine.

Professor: Well, you're out of luck. The only plans are here in my head.

Mom: Ah, fine, we'll take that.

[Walt and Larry drag a scared Farnsworth out into the hallway. A slicing sound is heard, followed by a splash. They return with the Professor's head in a jar. The crew gasps]

Professor: The worst part is the phantom haemorrhoids. [He shifts painfully] Avenge my decapitation!

[Mom's family exits and her ship begins spinning.]

Mom: Now to get rid of the rest of those Planet Express jerk-butts! Once and for all.

[She releases the Planet Express Ship, flinging it off toward the sun.]

Bender: All right, everything worked out fine.

Leela: Oh, no. We're heading straight into the Sun!

Bender: We're heading into the Sun! [He makes panicked noises]

[The ship begins burning up as it enters the sun's "atmosphere", but then crash lands relatively unharmed in front of a Mayan-like city. Back inside the ship, the crew are lying on the ground.]

Leela: Not my best landing. Is everyone alright?

Bender: Yeah, I'm okay. Fortunately I landed on something soft.

[Bender gets up; he'd landed on Fry. The Reanimator activates, producing a new Fry, who then heads back to the others.]

Fry: I'm fine too! No thanks to our chubby robot friend.

Leela: At least the ship is operational. We should be able to get out of here easily. Unless we're out of dark matter. Which we are.

[Scene: The crew head out towards the gates of Sun City ("Welcome to Sun City: Visitors Not Welcome")]

Fry: Whoa. Check it out!

Leela: Be careful Fry, you're not supposed to look directly at the Sun.

[An important looking man and a hunch-backed assistant approach]

Ra-Ra: Greeting, you aliens from other planet.

Bender: What?! Oh, okay fine, I got it. Uh, take us to your leader!

Ra-Ra: I am Ra-Ra, the Sun King. Normally, that make me leader, but have little coup d'état recently.

Bender: Was it godless communists?

Ra-Ra: No, it was god. Mighty, mighty Sun God. Apparently, him develop taste for flesh of own worshipers. Sun People so afraid they not even set foot on own sun porches.

Fry: Big whoop. Everyone's afraid of some god or another.

Ra-Ra: Actually, we more afraid of army of undead warriors Sun God create from bones of victims.

Fry: Ohh, those'll get ya alright.

Ra-Ra: Perhaps, if you find way into sealed temple, you can defeat Sun God, and save Sun People.

Bender: Gee, I really care about you're lame people and your crummy temple; but we're gonna have to pass.

Ra-Ra: You'll be handsomely rewarded.

Bender: I'm in!

Leela: So, kemo sabe, you got any dark matter?

Ra-Ra: It our chief export!

Leela: Then you've got yourself a deal.

[Leela and Ra-Ra shake hands and Fry and Bender head back into the ship.]

Leela: Hey! Where are you two going?

Fry: Sorry, Leela. I'd love to help you save the Sun, but I burn easily.

Bender: And I melt easily. But save me my share of the reward!

[Leela looks annoyed. The guys drop the Reanimator out of the hold for Leela, who drags it through the city's gate as Ra-Ra and his aide look on.]

Ra-Ra: That-um big toaster.

[Leela begins her journey.]

Leela: I always say, never send a man to do a man's job.

[Scene: Leela enters the temple]

Leela: Whoa, this temple's amazing. I wonder if they sell postcards.

[She finds a gem]

Leela: I can pick this up huh? It must be something I need!

[She places the gem in the top of a tower and it creates a shining beam into the sky.]
[Scene: A pair of Bone-bots are in a doorway]

Bone-bot #1: Something's about to happen. I can feel it in my bones.

Bone-bot #2: Ha, good one.

[Scene: Leela finds and inserts a second gem, producing another beam, then heads toward the right wing of the temple.]

Leela: There's a whole other wing? It didn't look that big outside.

[Scene: A pair of Bone-bots are in front of a door]

Bone-bot #3: What do you think happens when we die.

Bone-bot #4: We're already dead, man. Get with the program.

[Leela finds and inserts a third gem, producing another beam. Eventually, she finds the path blocked by lava and strikes a bell. A bone-bot helps out by bringing across a gondola. She rides it across and then he leaves again. Later, Leela finds and inserts a fourth gem, the four beams point towards the central tower producing a central bright light. The gondolier sees this and falls from the boat into the lava.]
[Scene: Leela heads into the inner temple.]

Sun God Impostor: Who dares enter the sacred temple of the Sun God?

Leela: Sun God? Hmph! All worshipping the Sun ever got me was freckles.

[After searching, she enters his chamber.]

Sun God Impostor: Heathen! I will send thee to the icy depths of Hell!

[Leela uses another set of gems to fire beams at the impostor; he is hurt.]

Leela: Huh, you wouldn't think a god could be mortally wounded.

Sun God Impostor: You found me out. I'm not really a god. [Coughs] I'm just an ordinary eternal omniscient super-intelligent being.

Leela: So why did you allow all those people to be killed?

Sun God Impostor: For their bones of course. Which I used to create my army of Bone-bots!

Leela: Bone-bots? You know normal people make their robot armies out of metal.

Sun God Impostor: Yes, but my way is more evil! [He begins an evil laugh, gradually leaning further and further back until he looses his balance.] Hwha? Dwuh, aargh! [He falls into the lava.]

[The temple begins filling with lava, Leela climbs out through the top.]
[Scene: As one of the Sun People trumpets, people emerge from their homes. Leela arrives back at the ship. Ra-Ra and some of his followers come out with two wheelbarrows.]

Ra-Ra: Evil Sun God is gone! Thank you weird one-eyed woman, you save our planet.

Leela: Star actually.

Ra-Ra: Whatever. And now for reward. [He claps; the followers with wheelbarrows come forward.] Full tank worth Dark Matter.

Bender: Aww yeah, baby. Lets fuel up and ditch this awful sty! Ah, no offence.

Ra-Ra: None taken. But first you must come to temple, and celebrate with us! [It is on fire in the distance behind him]

Fry: The temple? [The priest with him notices]

Ra-Ra: Yes, cherished temple. Sacred centre of all life on Sun.

Leela: Uh, [laughs awkwardly] we'd love to stay, but uh...

Fry: We've got a... a, uh, a thing!

Leela: Yeah, that.

[Inside the city, people are now running around]

Bender: Cheese it!

[They hurry onto the ship. A priest with his hat on fire begins screaming]

Ra-Ra: Them nice people. [His aide nods]

[The ship takes off as smoke engulfs the temple]
[Scene: Mom Corp. Farnsworth's head is attached to what appears to be an engine, Larry and Walt finish the connections with Igner looking on nervously.]

Mom: Ah, my dear Professor's head. With your brains and my evil I shall soon take over the universe!

Professor: You'll never get away with it, Mom!

Mom: But I turned the planet Earth into a gigantic warship!

Professor: Oh, my. In that case you probably will get away with it.

[She presses a button and the Earth flies away.]

Professor: Yeow! It's hot! Oh god, my head! Ooh! Ooh! Pain! Pain!

[Mom laughs evilly. The Earth begins blasting other planets to bits]
[Scene: The Planet Express Ship reaches the far corner of the universe's box-like expanse and lands on Bogad. The crew exit.]

Leela: So this is Bogad? Ooh, creepy huh?

Bender: Yeah, and ugly. No wonder they put it at the edge of the universe.

Fry: I can't imagine what kind of disgusting foul creatures we'll find here.

[Zoidberg shuffles over, having been on the planet already.]

Zoidberg: Hello.

Leela: Doctor Zoidberg?! What are you doing here?

Zoidberg: Making a cameo! It's so nice to see you my friends, and the robot.

Bender: This is sooo unlikely!

Fry: Hey, what's that ka-jigger? [He points at a four-legged reptile with protruding eyes wearing a saddle.]

Zoidberg: Hmm, I'm not sure; but judging by its scales and long tongue, I'd say it's a horse. [He scuttles over and gets on.] Giddy-up. Yee-ha! I'm a cowboy I am.

[Scene: Adoy's hut. Zoidberg waits nearby on his "horse" as the others walk over.]

Fry: This must be the place. [He rings the bell.]

Adoy: Yes?

Fry: Umm, are you Adoy?

Adoy: "Adoy"? I haven't heard that name in years. Yeah, that's me.

Fry: Uh, okay. W-we were sent here by the Professor.

Adoy: Ah, I remember the Professor. Of course, back then I was the one called the Professor. Wait, who are we talking about?

Bender: Oh, boy.

Leela: Professor Hubert Farnsworth.

Adoy: Never heard of him. So what can I do for my dear old Protégé?

Leela: He said you might be able to help us. Long story short; Mom cut off his head and now she's trying to take over the universe!

Adoy: Uhh. Terrible. Terrible! Terrible! But there's nothing we can do about it now. So it's a good thing you came to me!

Bender: This guy's not making any sense! Can I kill him? Please?

[Adoy shuffles over to a machine with a clock on it.]

Adoy: This is my latest invention, the Time Tunneller. With it, you can travel back in time and stop Mom before she became unstoppable.

Bender: Or bet on horses I know are gonna win! So long, suckers! [He runs over and moves the hands of the clock, nothing happens] Oh, man. I'm still here!

Adoy: You need to charge it first! A-doy. The power generator is over there. You can get to it along this dangerous path laden with quicksand. [The crew stare at him.] I know, I know. It was a terrible place to build the generator, I'm sorry. Give me a break here.

Fry: But the time machine has a hand crank, doesn't that work?

Adoy: Ehh, sort of, if you turn the handle for two minutes; it'll send the universe two minutes back in time.

Bender: So it gets us back to when we started turning the handle? Yippee.

Leela: No, wait! That could be all we need to get to the generator. If one of us is fast enough.

Fry: Great, another dangerous mission.

Bender: Who's the sucker this time?

Leela: Doctor Zoidberg.

Zoidberg: Hooray, I'm the hero!

Fry & Bender: Hooray, we don't have to do anything!

[The "horse" whinnies and rears up on its hind legs.]
[Scene: Still at the time tunneller]

Leela: Okay Zoidberg, once I start cranking you've got two minutes to get to where I can see you, otherwise I'll assume you've been killed and rewind time.

Zoidberg: Killed, ay? I'm no doctor, but that sounds painful.

Fry: Oh, it is, trust me.

Bender: Good luck monster bait!

[He rides off into the swamp]

Zoidberg: Ya, horsy. Ya!

[Scene: About two minutes later the crew look into the distance from the Time Tunneller]

Zoidberg [off screen, echoing]: Okay, make with the back in time!

[Leela activates the machine.]
[Scene: Zoidberg, after he re-starts travelling, makes it a third of the way.]

Leela: Way to not screw up Doctor Zee, now you've got two minutes to get to the next checkpoint.

Zoidberg: Always with the hurry, hurry.

[He makes it another third of the way]

Leela: Alright you crazy crab, just one more death defying run to go. No pressure. Although the fate of the entire universe does depend on it. So don't blow it like you always do!

Zoidberg: Hehehe... after this, I'm going to be soooo popular!

[He reaches the end of the trail]

Zoidberg: Zoidberg makes it to safety! And the crowd goes wild! [Imitates crowd] Zoidberg pulls the lever! [Imitates crowd cheering louder]

[Cut to: Adoy and the crew at the Time Tunneller]

Adoy: [laughs] The Time Tunneller is working!

Leela: Fantabulistic! Now we can go back in time and fight Mom!

Bender: Woo!

Fry: And, save the Professor.

Bender: Yeah, whatever.

[They board the ship. A beam is emitted as Adoy finishes adjusting the controls of his machine.]

Adoy: Goodbye heroes! I'll never forget you, whoever you were!

[The ship glows and then disappears into a tunnel of blue light, the crew scream as they go.]
[Cut to: Zoidberg, still at the generator]

Zoidberg: So what should I do now guys? Hello? Friends? Hello? Hello?

[Iris out on Zoidberg]
[Scene: New New York, before the events of the game. The ship emerges from the time tunnel. Fry bounces about on his seat]

Fry: Aargh! We're gonna die!

Bender: What's the big deal, we've been dying all game.

Leela: We're even more out of control than usual. [She presses a button] Prepare for crappy landing.

[The damaged ship lands next to a ship in perfect condition in the Planet Express hangar.]

Fry: Well, at least now we know who trashed our ship.

Leela: Oh no, it's already nine. If we want to stop Mom from having bought Planet Express in the first place, we'd better hurry!

Fry: To the ship! [He walks toward their damaged ship, it creaks and the ramp retracts slightly.]

Bender: Now, if I understand time paradoxes, we're supposed to take the good ship, and leave the bad ship behind for the original us, right?

Fry: Bad... behind... say again?

Leela: [sigh] Just get in.

[They board the good ship and fly off]
[Cut to: Mom's office, she and her sons watch the Professor review the contract]

Mom: As soon as you sign here [points] Planet Express will be mine. [Evil laughter]

Professor: Did I do something funny?

Mom: No, I'm sorry; I should save my evil laugh 'til after you sign.

Professor: Okay then.

[As he puts pen to paper, the ship crashes through a window. The cargo hold's doors fall off revealing the Reanimator. The dial pointing to their names spins rapidly as the crew all pop out the top simultaneously.]

Fry: Don't sign that Professor, we came from the future, it's a trick!

Professor: Hwah?

Leela: Once Mom gets Planet Express, she's gonna take over the Earth.

Bender: And then she's gonna turn it into a giant space ship, and take over the universe!

Fry: Man that was cool! Earth was all [imitates rocket flight noises, followed by shooting] and the other planets are like [imitates explosion sounds, then people screaming]

Mom: Ehe, how droll. Could I talk to you three over here for a moment? [They move] A little to your left [They look at each other, then comply] Wonderful.

[Mom presses a button, a trap door opens and the crew fall through onto slides.]
[Scene: Bender soon emerges on a firing range. Destructor enters the large room over looking it.]

Destructor: I am Destructor! Initiating target practice mode.

[Bender makes his way down to a switch that puts Leela on a similar neighbouring platform.]

Leela: Looks like it's my turn now.

[She makes it to safety and releases Fry from his holding area onto a third targeting range. Fry make a daring escape but soon has to face off against Destructor]

Fry: [gasp] This looks like a boss room!

Destructor: Destructor exiting target practice mode. Destructor initiating kill all humans mode! Myaaa!

[A battle ensues between the two, with Fry the victor]

Destructor: And so, I die the way I lived, as a giant robot. [His head explodes and legs press together, his body slumps]

Fry: Yeah!

[The others are down on the lowest level]

Leela: Nice shooting Fry. Way to waste that evil robot!

Bender: Oh, so just because a robot wants to kill humans, he must be evil? That is so prejudiced, Leela.

Leela: He wanted to kill you too, Bender.

Bender: Yeah! Well, you shut up!

Fry: Alright kids, I'm comin' down.

[Cut to: Mom's office, her sons are cleaning up after the ship crash. Igner sees a flashing light on the Reanimator and begins poking it. The dials and lights spin and flash wildly. It explodes slightly and falls through the hole, hitting Destructor's body on the way.]

Fry: Oh no! The Reanimator!

Leela: Bummer. We'll just have to be careful not to die from now on.

Bender: ...You had to say that!

[The mechanical corpse falls on top of them]

All: Oww!

[Farnsworth and Mom see this from above.]

Professor: Damn it Mom! No one kills my crew except for me! You're going down.

Mom: Oh please! You wouldn't hit a lady!

Professor: I suppose you're right. Though I would do this! Hoyyaa! [He punches her.]

Mom: You broke my hip!

Professor: I don't care. You wanted Planet Express so you could take over the universe, ay? Well, I guess your evil plan is foiled now, thanks to my time travelling crew.

Mom: But you have to sell Planet Express to me! Your crew said it happened, and no one can alter the continuum of time!

Professor: Oh, yeah? Watch me! [He tears the contract] The deal is off!

Mom: Oh, well. How about if I throw in this hat? [She holds up a sombrero.]

Professor: Mmm.

[Scene: Planet Express conference table; Fry, Leela and Bender are sitting around, bored, until Professor Farnsworth shuffles in wearing a sombrero.]

Professor: Good news, everyone; I've sold Planet Express to Mom!

[Fry & Leela gasp, Bender stutters.]
[Closing Credits.]

Non-sequential Dialogue

On various occasions, characters say phrases outside the plot that may be repeated numerous times.

System Audio

Start-up

[The game loads, and Bender is seen against a white background running from a patrol car driven by Smitty and URL. He sneaks back on screen and opens his chest cabinet, camera zooms in and through to the game menu]

Bender: It's Futurama the game!

SFX Volume

Fry making noises of gunfire and explosions as well as:

Fry: Ow! He got me!

Speech Volume

Zapp: Hello.

Fry: Check one-two, one-two.

Fry: Hello. Hello.

Zapp: Testing.

Fry: Testing, testing.

Professor: Testing, testing.

Zapp: Testies, testies.

Over the credits

Zoidberg: Uh, look at all the names!

Zoidberg: So many names!

Zoidberg: Yeah it's a lot of names, but wouldn't you want credit for something you did?

Fry

During gameplay, Fry may say the following in certain circumstances.

Attempting to open locked doors in Planet Express building

Fry: Looks like a key card is required.

Fry: Looks like I need a card key, uh, I mean a key card.

Fry: Hmm, door's looked must need a key card.

Fry: Hmm, either break my hand smashing the door down, or get a key card.

Health Item

Collecting single cans or six packs of Slurm can cause Fry to say one of the following:

Fry: Slurm is it.

Fry: Whimmy wham wham wozzle!

Fry: [Sounds of drinking followed by a burp]

Fry: That's good worm secretion.

Fry: [Sounds of drinking] Ahh!

Fry: Ice cold Slurm. [Slurps]

Fry: Whew!

Ammo

Pick up some Ammo and Fry might say:

Fry: Go Fry! Go Fry!

Fry: [Barking noises]

Fry: Yes! Gun food!

Fry: What a find!

Fry: Lock and load!

Fry: Laser ammo!

Fry: Bammo, free ammo!

Fry: Laser ammo, ka-powy!

Fry: Wahoo!

Fry: What an odd place for someone to leave live ammunition.

Valuable

If you get a wad of cash, Fry could say:

Fry: Alright!

Fry: [Laughs greedily]

Fry: This'll save me a trip to the ATM.

Fry: Mmm, got me a fine piece of money.

Fry: You know what I like? Money.

Fry: What a find!

Fry: Lottery tickets here I come!

Fry: I'll put this toward my college education.

Fry: This'll finance my search for a new flavour of crayon.

Fry: I'm not rich, but I'm comfortable.

Fry: Filthy luker!

Fry: Go Fry! Go Fry!

Fry: Yeah! Coin of the realm!

Fry: Ahh! Slurm money.

Fry: Ka-ching!

Fry: Wow, this is that stuff Bender's always steeling from me.

Fry: Wahoo!

Fry: Finally, I'm as rich as the pope!

Nibblonian

After freeing "a Nibbler" Fry is likely to say:

Fry: Hey, a Nibbler! I'm gonna collect all of them!

Fry: Alright!

Fry: Another Nibbler? Hmm, these things better be worth something.

Fry: Hooray, a Nibbler. [Yawns]

Fry: Ooh, he's painfully cute!

Fry: Ha-ha. Got me another super-intelligent fuzz ball.

Fry: I found all the Nibblers, I found all the Nibblers, Woohoo!

Idle

Left standing around he might say:

Fry: Earth to player, you're not playing!

Fry: Hey, come on I want to see what happens next.

Injured

Fry: Owwy, owwy, owwy!

Fry: That, is gonna hurt in the morning.

Fry: Youch!

Killed

Fry: Son of a...!

Fry: Aargh!

Attacks an Enemy

Fry: Come and get some!

Fry: Yes! Eat photons!

Fry: [Howls]

Fry: Take that, bad guy!

Fry: [Laughs greedily]

Fry: [Laughs maniacally]

Fry: Booya!

Fry: [Makes gun noises]

Fry: [Barking noises]

Fry: It's Fry-day! Get it?

Fry: You die now!

Fry: Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy?

Fry: Not so tough now, are you?

Fry: Is that all you got?

Fry: What just happened?

Fry: And stay down.

Fry: Up your face!

Fry: Score one for the Fry man.

Fry: Die, robot thingy, die!

Fry: Piece of cake!

Red light district robots

When getting ready to attack:

Robot: Look out men; it's coming right for us!

Robot: Aargh! A human!

Robot: Hey, it's that guy from the past.

Robot: A curfew breaker!

Robot: Hey, it's that guy from the future.

Robot: Human alert. Human alert.

Robot: Stop you demented man-ape!

Robot: Kill. Kill. Kill! Kill!

Robot: I get to kill someone.

Robot: Halt greasy human!

Hover-bot Death Troopers

When getting ready to attack:

Death Trooper: Hey, it's one of the good guys. Blast 'em!

Death Trooper: Stop or I'll shoot! In fact, I-I'm gonna shoot anyway.

Death Trooper: Freeze! Aww, heck, I'll just use my Freeze ray.

Death Trooper: Prepare to be smited!

Death Trooper: What's that furry orange thing?

Death Trooper: Halt, target!

Death Trooper: I'm gonna do things to you.

Death Trooper: Hey, it's that stoopid looking guy!

Bender

During gameplay, Bender may say the following in certain circumstances.

Found in PE toilet by Fry

Interrupted whilst looking at a Fembot magazine:

Bender: Fry, do you mind?

Bender: Hey, I'm busy here!

Bender: Hey, I'm trying to catch up on my reading!

Bender: [Squeals] Close the door!

After time with the door open

Bender: Woof.

Bender: [Laughter]

Health Item

Collecting Old Fortran or Mom's Old Fashioned Robot Oil can cause Bender to say one of the following:

Bender: This should recharge the old power cells.

Bender: [Drinking sounds] Ahh!

Bender: Look out mechanical liver.

Bender: That is kinda special.

Bender: [Drinking sounds, followed by a burp]

Bender: The nectar of the robot gods.

Valuable

If you get some Robobium, Bender could say:

Bender: Who just left these lying around?

Bender: This ought to spruce up the pimpmobile.

Bender: Alright! A highly regular crystalline solid!

Bender: Righteous.

Bender: It's my birthstone, Robobium.

Bender: This'll make some stripperbot very happy.

Bender: Yes! Riches!

Bender: Jackpot!

Bender: Ziggy. [Possibly sicky]

Bender: I'll have this made into a tasteful ring.

Bender: Oh, cool!

Bender: Ooh! I need one of these!

Bender: I crave shiny things.

Bender: Diamonds are forever, just like robots.

Bender: Booya!

Bender: This crystal has the power to heal. My empty wallet! [Laughs] Oh.

Bender: This is even easier than stealing!

Bender: Finder's keepers. [Laughs]

Bender: This'll go nicely with my gold tooth.

Bender: Yeah.

Bender: [Evil laughter]

Nibblonian

After freeing "a Nibbler" Bender is likely to say:

Bender: Aww, great. I've gotta collect these stupid fur-balls too?

Bender: Hooray.

Bender: Whoopee.

Bender: This should cook up nicely.

Bender: Man, I hate these cuddy little things!

Bender: Oh, I can't help myself; I gotta hug it!

Bender: They're so cuddly; I wanna hug it to death!

Bender: Aww man, I hate these things. They're so cute and cuddy.

Bender: Ooh! This'll make a nice stuffed animal.

Bender: Aww, I wuv these things.

Bender: That's the last of 'em. Now to pre-heat the oven.

Bender: He's a cute little pooper isn't he?

Idle

Left standing around he might say:

Bender: Hey meatbag! You want to press pause or you wanna play?

Bender: Hey, what cha do? Where'd ya go?

Bender: What am I gonna stand around all day? Let's get goin'!

Injured

Bender: Oww!

Bender: Bend me!

Bender: A mere flesh wound! Sorta.

Bender: Oh!

Bender: Doh!

Bender: Wah!

Bender: Oww, my shiny you-know-what!

Bender: That's gonna leave a ding!

Bender: Hey!

Bender: [R2-D2 whistle] Whoa.

Killed

Bender: Wah!

Bender: Oh!

Bender: Doh, right in the ticker. [Ticks]

Bender: Dut!

Bender: Oww!

Bender: Hey!

Attacks an Enemy

Bender: Sit down and shut up forever.

Bender: I'm a lean, mean, fighting machine!

Bender: I laugh at your pain! [Laughs]

Bender: [Laughs] That guy won't be goin' home to his kids!

Bender: Uh, my lawyer will plead self-defence.

Bender: Taste robot.

Bender: Ker splat!

Bender: Come back tomorrow, I'll give you another one.

Bender: Ka-pow!

Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass!

Bender: What a move!

Bender: I must have been a killbot in a former life.

Bender: Are you dead yet?

Bender: Ah, sit on it.

Bender: That's why, as of today, they call me "Killzilla".

Bender: Moidelise 'em.

Bender: Hahaha, you gotta feel sorry for that guy!

Bender: This is more fun than shoplifting!

Bender: Not bad for a pre-programmed automaton.

Bender: I'm better than you.

Bender: Doosh!

Bender: Who's the mightiest bending unit? Answer: Bender.

Bender: Get bent!

Bender: Ker snap!

Bender: Crush. Kill. Destroy!

Bender: Ha-cha-cha.

Bender: I'm the man of steel, baby.

Mine Robots

When getting ready to attack:

Mine Robot: It's that "Gender Bender"

Mine Robot: Eat this, steel magnolia.

Mine Robot: Reach for the sky, can-man.

Mine Robot: Here ya go, pothead.

Mine Robot: Bot alert! Bot alert!

Mine Robot: Did that suit of armour just move?

Mine Robot: You, in the shiny metal ass!

Mine Robot: Yikes! A Robot!

Mine Robot: Get that big soup can.

Mine Robot: A Robot? Now I've seen everything.

Mine Robot: Hey funnel-head!

Mine Robot: Bring it on, sheet metal!

Mine Robot: Stop there you big metal tub of... metal.

Leela

During gameplay, Leela may say the following in certain circumstances.

Health Item

Collecting small or large bottles of vitamins can cause Leela to say one of the following:

Leela: Mmm, ahh!

Leela: [Coughs]

Leela: Down the hatch!

Leela: Mega-mega vitamins!

Leela: Yum, caplets!

Leela: Time for a light lunch.

Leela: Mmm, pills taste like candy!

Leela: Wow, these are even better than steroids.

Leela: A full-day supply of vitamin hiya!

Valuable

If you get a bar of gold, Leela could say:

Leela: It's mine! All mine!

Leela: Yippappapapow!

Leela: Hiya!

Nibblonian

After freeing "a Nibbler" Leela is likely to say:

Leela: Ooh, pretty.

Leela: I'll just help myself to one of these.

Leela: That felt goo-ood!

Leela: You go, mutant girl.

Idle

Left standing around she might say:

Leela: Don't make me come out there!

Leela: Can ya move any slower?

Leela: It's not polite to keep a lady waiting.

Leela: Move it or loose it buddy!

Injured

Leela: Oww.

Leela: Oh, ho hou.

Leela: Hmm, better put some ice on that.

Leela: Now I'm mad.

Leela: Ah.

Leela: Hey, cut that out.

Leela: I admit that hurt.

Leela: Ooh!

Leela: That wasn't nice.

Leela: How dare you hit a woman!

Killed

Leela: [Cries]

Leela: Ahhha-owww!

Attacks an Enemy

Leela: Heh heh heh heh heh.

Leela: Nice kill by me.

Leela: Ho-ah!

Leela: Hi-ha!

Leela: Darn, I broke a nail.

Leela: I could'a done that with one eye closed.

Leela: Right in the funny bone.

Leela: Purple power!

Leela: I wish my parents could have seen that.

Leela: Eat boot, baddy.

Leela: Ha! You're dead again.

Bone-bots

During gameplay, The Bone-bots may say the following in certain circumstances.

Attack an Enemy

Bone-bot: Yoo-hoo, big boots.

Bone-bot: Hiya!

Bone-bot: This is gonna kill you more than it kills me.

Bone-bot: Arr, me bones are aching for a fight.

Bone-bot: That skeleton has skin on it!

Bone-bot: Why if it isn't the pre-undead.

Bone-bot: I've got a bone to pick with you!

Bone-bot: Come on, death isn't so bad.

Bone-bot: Death to the living!

Bone-bot: A fleshy, get her!

Bone-bot: It's a one-eyed purple people person!

Bone-bot: Oh, there's so much of you to hit!

Bone-bot: Heh-heh.

Injured

Bone-bot: Oh!

Bone-bot: Oww!

Bone-bot: Gah!

Bone-bot: Bleh!

Bone-bot: Ahh! I'm bleeding! Psych.

Bone-bot: Aiee!

Bone-bot: Hand bone's connected to the sword bone.

Reanimated

Bone-bot: Wha? Uh? Huh? Wha? I'm awake. What?

Bone-bot: Ah, thanks buddy.

Bone-bot: Ah, death is fleeting.

Bone-bot: Hey, I lost weight.

Bone-bot: Well, beat bein' a zombie.

Bone-bot: Yo, Wha'd I miss?

Bone-bot: I'm ba-ack.

Zoidberg

During gameplay, Zoidberg may say the following in certain circumstances.

Nibblonian

After freeing "a Nibbler" Zoidberg is likely to say:

Zoidberg: Oh, mazel tov.

Zoidberg: He's little, but he could be my friend.

Zoidberg: It's a pet or a meal.

Zoidberg: It'll make a nice borscht.

Zoidberg: Got you, you little vermin.

Falls off Horse

Zoidberg: Ooh.

Zoidberg: Oy!

Zoidberg: Oww!

Zoidberg: Oww! My tuchis.

Zoidberg: Brrr!

Zoidberg: [Other mouth noises]

Zoidberg: Ooh, this lobster is boiled!

Zoidberg: Oy, cavolt!

Zoidberg: Gee up, ya schlub.

Zoidberg: [Woops]

Does Well

Zoidberg: I got skills to not pay bills!

Zoidberg: How did I do that?