List of song performances

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This is the list of song performances made by the characters of Futurama, be they either original performances, covers, or alternative lyrics to existing songs. For the appearances of popular music, see the list of popular music appearances.

#[edit]

The 98 Words We Don't Say[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by the Humplings in "Yo Leela Leela".

Bender: [spoken] Well, well, well! [Leela gasps] You didn't make up that TV show! You just wrote down what these space twerps said!
Leela: [spoken] Oh, hell.
[the Humplings gasp]
Princess Num Num: [spoken] Leela said a Rumbledy-Hump No-No!
[a waltz begins playing]
The Humplings: Sometimes when we're mad,
We say words that are bad.
[The show goes to a commercial break. Return from commercial to reveal that the Humplings are still singing]
...And poo-poo and pee-pee and penis and gay.
Those are the 98 words we don't say!
[The Humplings cheer after finally finishing the song]

B[edit]

The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez[edit]

Main article: The Ballad of Me, Ramblin' Rodriguez
Original performance.
Performed by Bender in "Forty Percent Leadbelly".

Bender is Great[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by Bender in "The Honking", "Love and Rocket", and "The Futurama Holiday Spectacular".

Version 1

Bender: B-E-N-D-E-R! Be-ender!
B-E-N-D-E-R! Be-ender!
Sayin' B-E-N-D-ER—
B-E-N-D-E-R Beeender

Version 2 (a parody of the Kit Kat-bar melody)

Bender: Bender is great! Oh, Bender is great! Bender, Bender, Bender— [Is interrupted.]

Version 3

Bender: I am so great! Bender is great! Bender Bender Bender!

Version 4

'Bender Sausage is great! Sausage is great! Sausage sausage sausage!

The Birthday Song[edit]

Main article: The Birthday Song

What day is today? It's [name]'s birthday. What a day for a birthday! Let's all have some cake!

Blowin' in the Wind[edit]

Cover of "Blowin' in the Wind" by Bob Dylan.
Performed by Bender in "The Series Has Landed".

Blue Tail Fly[edit]

Original performance to the tune of "Blue Tail Fly".
Performed by Bender in "Bendin' in the Wind".

Bender: Fry cracked corn,
And I don't care,
Leela cracked corn,
I still don't care,
Bender cracked corn,
And he is great!
Take that, you stupid corn!

D[edit]

Daisy Bell[edit]

Cover of "Daisy Bell" by Harry Dacre.
Performed by Bender in "Love and Rocket".

Danny Boy[edit]

Cover of "Danny Boy" by Frederick Weatherly.
Performed by Dr. Zoidberg in "A Pharaoh to Remember".

Decisions I Made[edit]

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Original performance.
Performed by Young Biddy in the credits of "Free Will Hunting".

Don't Lick It[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by Turanga Leela, Dr. Zoidberg, and Bender in "Yo Leela Leela".

Fry: [as Doingg, spoken] I like ice cream... [licks an ice cream cone] ...and I like lollipops [licks a lollipop] ...and I like you, Princess Num Num. [licks Amy's Princess Num Num costume]
Amy: [as Princess Num Num, spoken] Ew! I'm all licky-sticky! [sobs and runs away]
Fry: [as Doingg, spoken] I don't understand. When I like something, I lick it, like this raccoon. [picks up Nibbler dressed as a raccoon, who snarls at him]
Leela: [as Lady Buggle, spoken] Doingg, don't lick things that don't wanna be licked.
Fry: [as Doingg, spoken] But how do I know what to lick and what not to lick?
Leela: [as Lady Buggle, spoken] It's very simple.
[music starts to play and Leela starts singing as Lady Buggle]
If it's alive, don't lick it.
Zoidberg: [as Feffernoose] Like a horse, a turtle or a cricket.
Bender: [as Garglie, burbling, spoken] I like turtles.
Leela: [as Lady Buggle] So if you're not sure if it's alive or dead,
Poke it with a stick and lick the stick instead.
Fry: [as Doingg, spoken] Now I get it! [Fry licks a stick and pokes Zoidberg with it]
Zoidberg: [spoken] Ow!
Leela: [as Lady Buggle, spoken] Well, that's all for today, but before we go, let's do everything we just did two more times!

Don't Mess with Earth[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by the Head of the ACLU in "A Taste of Freedom".

Head of the ACLU: You can eat my dog. You can eat my truck.
But you eat my flag and you're outta luck!
She's a-wavin' proud around the world, from Dallas to Fort Worth.
Let me say it again...
Don't mess with Earth!

Don't Worry, Bee Happy[edit]

Original performance to the tune of "Don't Worry, Be Happy".
Performed by Amy, Bender, Professor Farnsworth, Hermes, Dr. Zoidberg and Bee in "The Sting".

Amy: [spoken] In every life, we have some trouble.
Bender: [spoken] But when you worry you make it double.
Bender/Amy: Don't worry! Bee happy! [Bender imitates bongos.]
Professor Farnsworth: The landlords say your rent is late.
Hermes: You may have to litigate.
Professor Farnsworth/Hermes/Bender: Don't worry! [Bender opens his chest and releases a bee, which stings the Professor in the head.]
Bee: Bee...
Professor Farnsworth: Happy! [He swells up and explodes. Dr. Zoidberg appears on a stage, his name displayed behind him in neon lights.]
Dr. Zoidberg: Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style, ladies vomit when I smile. But does Zoidberg worry? Feh, you wish! [The bee stings him.]
Bee: Bee...
Zoidberg: Happy! [He explodes. Hermes skates into view, carrying Amy.]
Hermes: [spoken] Don't worry now, Amy! [The bee stings Hermes, who explodes. Amy skates up to the camera.]
Amy: [spoken] Okay, I'm happy! [She is stung and explodes, revealing Bender standing on the table.]
Bender: [spoken] Take us home, Bender! Don't worry! [The bee stings him.]
Bee: Bee...
Bender: Happy! [Bender explodes into a firework display. When the smoke clears, everyone is sitting around as if nothing had happened.]
Leela: [short pause, spoken] Uh, were you just singing?
Bender: [spoken] No, I was telling you not to worry. I'm not allowed to sing. Court order.

E[edit]

Even If It's Not A Good Idea (The Bureaucrat Song)[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by Hermes, LaBarbara, Dr. Zoidberg, Professor Farnsworth, Leela, Bender, and Morgan Proctor in "How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back". Available as a karaoke track in Volume 7.

Hermes: When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town,
With a foot and a half of water,
Everyone was alright but I cried all night,
It blew my alphabet blocks out of order,
And they said, "This boy's born to be a bureaucrat,
Born to be all obsessive and snotty,"
I made my friends and relations file long applications,
To get into my 10th birthday party.
[He scoops up some red tubes, slides down a tube and drops them into some filing cabinets. LaBarbara pops out of one of them.]
LaBarbara: But something changed when my man turned pro.
Hermes: I was sortin' but I wasn't smilin'.
[He throws a tube to LaBarbara and she catches it.]
LaBarbara: He forgot that it's not about badges and ranks.
Hermes: It's supposed to be about the filing! People!
[He jumps onto Number 1.0's desk and starts juggling the tubes.]
We didn't choose to be bureaucrats,
No, that's what almighty Jah made us,
We treat people like swine,
And make 'em stand in line,
Even if nobody paid us!
[He dives off the desk into the pile of red tubes.]
Hermes: They say the world looks down on the bureaucrats,
They say we're anal, compulsive and weird,
But when push comes to shove,
You gotta do what you love,
Even if it's not a good idea.
[He slides down the pile and throws the red tubes around the other Planet Express staff like a knife thrower.]
Zoidberg!
Zoidberg: They said I probably shouldn't be a surgeon.
Farnsworth: They pooh-poohed my electric frankfurter.
Leela: They said I probably shouldn't fly with just one eye.
[A tube hits her in the eye.]
Bender: [mechanical voice] I am Bender. Please insert girder.
[Hermes lays a tube across Bender's arms and he bends it, sending the red tubes flying off in another direction. Hermes rips off his shirt revealing a multi-coloured shirt underneath.]
Hermes: Everybody sing Jamaica!
[He limbos under the flying tubes.]
All: Jamaica!
Hermes: Just the bureaucrats, Jamaica!
Bureaucrats: Jamaica!
Hermes: The grade 19's!
[Morgan looks around and reluctantly joins in.]
Morgan: Jamaica.
[Hermes starts a conga line with the bureaucrats.]
Hermes: Sing me home!
When push comes to shove,
You gotta do what you love,
Even if it's not a good idea!
[He picks up a red tube, takes Bender's disk out of it and throws it into Bender's head. Bender's personality resurfaces.]
Bender: I'm Bender, baby! Please insert liquor!

F[edit]

Frog Went A-Courting[edit]

Original performance to the tune of "Frog Went A-Courting".
Performed by Bender in "Bendin' in the Wind".

Bender: Froggy went a-courtin' and he did ride, uh-huh, uh-huh
Well, Froggy went a-courtin' and he did ride,
Blah, blah, blah, something, Bender is great!
Froggy went a-courtin' and Bender is great, uh-huh—

The Fourth Day of Xmas[edit]

Original performance to the tune of "Twelve Days of Christmas".
Performed by Bender, Tinny Tim and two other robots in "Xmas Story".

Bender: On the fourth day of Xmas I stole from that lady
Robot 1: Four family photos
Tinny Tim: Three jars of pennies
Robot 2: Two former husbands
Bender: And a slipper on a shoe-tree.

Funkytown[edit]

Cover of "Funkytown" by Lipps Inc.
Performed by Morbo in "Amazon Women in the Mood".

G[edit]

Greenland Whale Fisheries[edit]

Cover of "Greenland Whale Fisheries".
Performed by Bender in "The Birdbot of Ice-Catraz".

Bender: Oh, Greenland is a barren land
A land that bears no green!
Where there's ice and snow
And the whale fishies blow.

The Grunka Lunka Songs[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by Grunka Lunkas in "Fry and the Slurm Factory".

Grunka Lunkas: Grunka Lunka dunkety doo
We've got a friendly warning for you
Grunka Lunka dunkety dasis
The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis
Asking questions in school is a great way to learn
If you try that stuff here you might get your legs broke
We once found a dead guy face down in the Slurm
It could easily happen again to you, folks
So keep your head down and keep your mouth shut
Grunka Lunka Lunka dunkety dutt!
[interruption]
Grunka Lunka dunkety dingredient!
You should not ask about the secret ingredient!
[interruption]
Grunka Lunka dunkety darmed-guards!
[interruption]


I[edit]

I'll Shoot Her With My Ray Gun[edit]

Original performance to the tune of "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain".
Performed by Bender in "The Series Has Landed".

Bender: Well, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes.
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes.
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun
Oh, I'll shoot her with my ray gun
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes, when she comes.
I'll be blasting all the humans in the world,
I'll be blasting all the humans in the world,
I'll be blasting all the humans, I'll be blasting all the humans,
I'll be blasting all the humans in the world, in the world.
[spoken] ONE MORE TIME!!!

In the Year 252525[edit]

Original performance to the tune of "In the Year 2525".
Performed by ? in "The Late Philip J. Fry".

In the year one-oh-five-one-oh-five,
If man is still alive,
If robot can survive,
They may find...
In the year twenty-five-twenty-five-twenty-five,
The backwards time machine still won't have arrived.
In all the world, there's only one technology,
A rusty sword for practicing proctology!
In a future year that ends with a twenty,
A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy.
He may look like a watery wimp,
When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp!
In the year one million and a half,
Humankind is enslaved by giraffe.
Man must pay for all his misdeeds,
When the treetops are stripped of their leaves!
Whoa-oh!

K[edit]

The Kwanzaa Rap[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by Kwanzaa-bot, Hermes, LaBarbara, Barbados Slim, Bubblegum, Professor Farnsworth, Dwight, and the Planet Express crew in "The Futurama Holiday Spectacular".

Hermes: I'm glad you all could be here with my family. Kwanzaa traditions are quite ancient, dating back over one thousand years.
Fry: Woah.
Dr. Zoidberg: If only someone could tell us more about these traditions.
Kwanzaa-bot: [He breaks through the wall.] Oh, yeah!
Dwight: Hey, Kool-Aid's here!
LaBarbara: No, child, that's not a made-up character. It's Kwanzaa-bot.
Kwanzaa-bot: And I'mma tell y'all how we celebrate Kwanzaa. Zoidberg, lay down a beat!
Dr. Zoidberg: How 'bout I just lay down?
[Hermes and LaBarbara provide backup on kalimba and drum respectively.]
Kwanzaa-bot: The seven basic principles that go to make up Kwanzaa!
So sit yo' asses down and have some knowledge dropped upons ya!
LaBarbara: Kujichagulia...
Barbados Slim and Bubblegum: And umoja...
Hermes: And the rest.
Planet Express crew: Now we get it!
Kwanzaa-bot: Sit back down! There's gonna be a test.
My favorite's ujamaa.
Bubblegum: Cooperative economics.
Kwanzaa-bot: Yo, boondocks, I'm talkin' here! Put away the comics!
Ku'umba is another one, it stands for creativity.
Barbados Slim: Like the ever-changing nature of my sexual proclivities.
Kwanzaa-bot: I think there's one called "nia," but I don't speak Swahili,
Sumthin' 'bout a pine tree and a oil-wrestlin' dealy?
Professor Farnsworth: That's from Xmas and Robanukah, you plagiarizing lout!
Kwanzaa-bot: Yeah, I'm kinda losin' interest here. I'd best be rollin' out.
But before I go, the most important thing...
Dwight: What's that, Black Santa?
Kwanzaa-bot: You need seven Kwanzaa candles that you light up every night.
But they best be made of beeswax or y'all might as well be white.
Planet Express crew: They must be made of beeswax or we might as well be white.

L[edit]

Leela[edit]

Cover of "Lola" by The Kinks.
Performed by Zapp in "Amazon Women in the Mood".
In Zapp's performance, the character of the original song (Lola) is exchanged with Leela.

Leela: Orphan of the Stars[edit]

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This section is in need of a cleanup. The reason given is:
formatting
Editors are encouraged to fix the problem.
Second song not to be confused with above song.
Original performance.
Performed by several opera singers in "The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings".
This is one of the Hot 100 Cartoon Songs in the The Cleveland Show episode "Harder, Better, Faster, Browner". It was nominated for an Emmy.

Song A) Wherein Leela Is Found At The Orphanarium

Holo-Vogel: Who is this one-eyed female baby Moses,
With courage in her female baby smile?
Holo-Orphans: A saviour from the stars,
Or something stranger still.
Holo-Leela: Or just a lonely, filthy, starving child.

Song B) Leela

Holo-Bender: Leela! Leela, Leela save him!

Save Fry, save Fry,
Godzilla will devour him,
As for me,
I must be off,
To have my doctor check this cough,
[He coughs.]

Goodbye! Song C) Intermission

Tinny Tim: Extra! Extra! World's greatest opera only half over.

Leela: Half over? Oh, I'd give anything to hear the rest.

[The coat door opens, revealing the Robot Devil inside.]

Robot Devil: Anything? [Leela gasps and drops her glass. A man hands the Robot Devil his coat and he hands him a ticket.] Thank you, sir. [The man leaves and the Robot Devil turns to Leela.] Now, as I was saying, anything? Because I can give you new robotic ears!

[He points at his ears.]

Leela: What? You can give me new ears? Wait. What seemingly reasonable thing do you want in return?

Robot Devil: Just your hands, my dear.

Leela: Whatever you said, forget it!

Robot Devil: Alright then, just one hand.

Leela: Just ... my left hand? Um, uh--

Announcer: Please take your seats for act two.

Hedonismbot: But I'm not done vomiting.

[He laughs. Leela looks at the people behind her.]

Leela: I can't stand it! [She takes a deep breath.] OK. You can have my hand.

Robot Devil: Wonderful! [He produces another contract.] Just sign here. [Leela signs. Calculon walks by and the Robot Devil stops him.] Calculon, old friend, I'm afraid I need your ears.

Calculon: Well I do owe you for giving me this unholy [melodramatically] acting talent.

[The Robot Devil takes Calculon's ears off his head and puts them into Leela's ears. She looks around and smiles.]

Leela: I can hear! I can hear like a safecracker! Hey, aren't you gonna take my hand?

Robot Devil: In good time. You go enjoy the opera.

[Leela gives him a curious look and runs back into the auditorium.]

Song D) Stupider Than You

Holo-Fry: To win Leela's heart with the holophonor's art,

I need hands of transcendental quickness.

Holo-Robot Devil: Well, I don't see any danger,

In gambling with a stranger,
For my head is of a most amazing thickness.

[He spins the wheel and falls over.]

I'm stupid, I'm stupid,
I'm stupider than you,
I'm stupider than you in every way.

Song E) I Want My Hands Back

Robot Devil: [talking] Stupider? Pah! This opera's as lousy as it is brilliant! [He kicks the Holo-Robot Devil actor off the stage. The audience gasps. Fry stops playing and the holo-scene fades, leaving the Holo-Fry actor standing on the stage in his underpants.] Your lyrics lack subtlety. You can't just have your characters announce how they feel. That makes me feel angry.
Fry: [talking] Look, what do you want?
Robot Devil: I want my hands back.

[He laughs and columns of flame explode behind him.]

Fry: [talking] Never!

[singing] A deal's a deal,
Even with a dirty dealer.

Robot Devil: Very well,

Then I'll take what I want from Leela.
[The spotlight moves from the stage to Leela. The Robot Devil extends his arms and pulls her from her seat onto the stage.]

Leela: [talking] Whoa!
Robot Devil: Leela has promised me her hand.
Leela: Fry, you do not understand.

[The music slows down and the spotlight narrows as Leela walks across the stage.]
I should have revealed I've been deafened by Bender,
The shame,
The shame,
But I feared you'd stop writing this musical splendour,
Deception's the curse of my whimsical gender,
He gave me mechanical ears,
Effective though just a bit garish,
In return without shedding a tear,
I agreed that I'd give him my hand—

Robot Devil: In marriage!
Leela: [talking] What?
Robot Devil: You'd give me your hand in marriage.

[He gets down on one knee. The audience watches. Professor Farnsworth watches through some opera glasses which are just as thick as his normal ones.]

Hermes: Is this really happening or just being staged?
Professor Farnsworth: It can't be real—
Amy: Not if Leela is engaged.
Leela: That isn't what I meant,

That isn't what I signed.
[The Robot Devil takes the contract out of his chest cabinet.]
Robot Devil: You should have checked the wording in my fine... [He makes the contract larger.] Print.

Leela: [reading] I'll give you my hand...
Leela and Robot Devil: In marriage.

[In the audience, Bender reads from a dictionary.]

Bender: "The use of words expressing something other than their literal intention",

Now that is "irony".
[The Robot Devil pulls Preacherbot out of his seat and onto the stage.]

Robot Devil: I will marry her now and confine her to hell,

How droll,
How droll!
Where Styx is a river,
And not just a band,
Though they'll play our reception if all goes as planned,
Unless, Fry, you surrender my hands!
[Fry looks at the hands on his wrists. The spotlight narrows over him.]

Fry: Destiny has cheated me,

By forcing me to decide upon,
The woman that I idolise,
Or the hands of an automaton,
Without these hands I can't complete,
The opera that was captivating her,
But if I keep them,
And she marries him,
Then he probably won't want me dating her.
[The audience applauds and cheers. Nixon sits next to Morbo and his wife.]

Nixon: [hooting] Arooo!
Zapp: [talking] Bray-vo! Enn-core!

Professor Farnsworth: I can't believe the devil is so unforgiving.
Dr. Zoidberg: I can't believe everybody's just ad-libbing!
[Leela struggles to get out of the Robot Devil's hold as Fry gazes at his hands.]
Preacherbot: By the power vested in me,
By the state of New New York—

Fry: [talking] No! [He pushes the Robot Devil away from Leela.] Stop! Take my hands!

[singing] You evil, metal dork!

M[edit]

The March of the Non-Union Elves[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by Bender, Leela, Fry, Robot Santa Claus, and his aides (the Neptunian elves) in "A Tale of Two Santas". Available as a karaoke track in Volume 7.

Neptunian elves: We are free and fairly sober
With so many toys to build
The machines are kind of tricky
Probably someone will be killed
But we gladly work for nothing
Fry: Which is good because we don't intend to pay
Neptunian elves: The elves are back to work today
Hooray!
We have just a couple hours
To make several billion gifts
And the labor isn't easy
Leela: Then you'll all work triple shifts
You can make the job go quicker
If you turn up the controls to super speed
Fry, Leela and Bender: It's back to work on Xmas Eve
Neptunian elves: Hooray.
Leela: And though you're cold and sore and ugly
Your pride will mask the pain
Fry: Let my happy smile warm your hearts
Neptunian elf: There's a toy lodged in my brain
Neptunian elves: We are getting awfully tired
And we can't work any faster
And we're very, very sorry
Bender: Why you selfish little bastards!
Do you want the kids to think
That Santa's just a crummy empty handed jerk?!
Then shut your yaps and back to work!
Neptunian elves: Now it's very nearly Xmas
And we've done the best we could
Fry: These toy soldiers are poorly painted
Leela: And they're made from inferior wood
Bender: I should give you all a beating
But I really have to fly
Robot Santa: If I wasn't stuck here frozen
I'd harpoon you in the eye
Neptunian elves: Now it's back into our tenements
To drown ourselves in rye
Leela: You did the best you could I guess
And some of these gorillas are OK
Neptunian elves: HOORAY! (We're adequate!)
All: The elves have rescued Xmas Day
Hooray!

My Broken Friend[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by Bender and Beck in "Bendin' in the Wind".

Bender: People say my broken friend is useless.
But I say his mind is free.
There's lots of things my mangled robot friend could be.
Beck: Kick it!
Bender: Well, he could make a good hat rack,
Beck: He only has to stand there.
Bender: Or a cheap doorstop,
Beck: He doesn't need to move.
Bender: Or a great big giant thermos with a twist off top,
Beck: That would be good for soup.
Bender: He could be a storage closet for outdated pants.
Beck: I like 'em tight.
Bender: My broken friend could do it all,
Beck & Bender: Just give him a chance!
Bender: That robot has a tragic secret
That I'd like to share.
Beck: For real?
Bender: My broken friend is closer to me than an ass to a chair.
Beck: Mmmm.
Bender: That robot's name I never told you...
Beck: What's that?
Bender: ... you could not foresee.
Beck: C'mon, give it up.
Bender: I sing it loud and sing it proud,
Beck & Bender: His name is you and me!
Bender: Don't melt me down into a crowbar,
Beck: It suffers alone,
Bender: Just 'cause I can't move my arms and legs. [He starts moving his arms and legs]
Beck: Hey!
Bender: Or toss me into a trash can,
Beck: Bender, what are you doin'?
Bender: Just 'cause I can't cook you ham and eggs.
Beck: What are you doin'?
Bender: Don't crush me into an anchor,
Beck: Yo, what's the dilly-o?
Bender: Just 'cause I can't jump and dance and sing
I'm telling you, my broken friend...
Put your hands in the air like you just don't care!
Beck: Nope.
I'm telling you, my broken friend
Can do most anything!
Yeah!

N[edit]

The New Justice Team Theme Song Part 1[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by ? in "Less than Hero".

Go, go, go, New Justice Team
Go, team; go, team; team, team, team
Who's that newest Justice Team
The New Justice Team
Captain Yesterday is fast
Also he is from the past
Not just fast but from the past
Captain Yesterday!
Superking has all the powers of a king
Plus all the power of Superman,
Also he's a robot
Ain't it cool? Superking, you rule!
Clobberella beats you up
Clobberella beats you up
Who does she beat up? You!
Clobberella!
Citizens, never fear
Crazy do-good freaks are here
Until they run out of steam...
Miracle cream, miracle cream
Gives the power to the team
Its effects wear off for sure
So they just slop on some more
The New Justice Team!

The New Justice Team Theme Song Part 2[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by ? in "Less than Hero".

Go, go, go, New Justice Team
Fighting justice is their quest
Superking, Clobberella
And all the rest
Here's to you new Justice Team
Do the things that make a team
Help each other do some things
Winners don't use drugs!
The New Justice Team!

P[edit]

Pastrami Song[edit]

Original performance
Performed by the Humplings in "Yo Leela Leela".

Amy: [spoken] To think I put on an unflattering cupcake costume for you!
Fry: [spoken] To think I borrowed money from you!
Albert: [spoken] I was gunna ask ya to marry me.
Sally: [spoken] I guess if you can't make up stories, I can't neither.
Leela: [spoken] I deserve this. And more. Keep it coming!
Doubledeal: [spoken] Wait a second. As a big Hollywood TV producer, I think I know how to remedy this ethical lapse.
[one day later, the Humplings are singing to bubblegum music]
Lady Buggle: So if you don't want a tapeworm or intestinal bug...
The Humplings: Don't eat pastrami that fell on the rug.
Doubledeal: [spoken] And cut! Ta-da! We got us a reality show! No actors, no writers, no problem!

Pharaoh's Funeral Song[edit]

Original performance parodying "Daniel", "Bennie and the Jets", and "Crocodile Rock".
Performed by Elton John lookalike in "A Pharaoh to Remember".

Elton John: Pharaoh, my god-king
you are cold and deceased,
Are you still half insane?
[pause]
Ph-Ph-Ph-Pharaoh and his pets
[pause]
But the years went by and Pharaoh died,
Suzy went and joined him in the afterlife.

"Pop a Poppler at Fishy Joe's!"[edit]

Original performance to the tune of "The Sailor's Hornpipe".
Performed by Fry and Bender in "The Problem with Popplers".

Fry & Bender: Pop a Poppler in your mouth,
When you come to Fishy Joe's,
What they're made of is a mystery,
Where they come from, no one knows.
You can pick 'em, you can lick 'em,
You can chew 'em, you can stick 'em,
And if you promise not to sue us,
You can shove one up your nose.

R[edit]

The Real Slim Shady[edit]

Cover of "The Real Slim Shady" by Eminem.
Performed by William Shatner in "Where No Fan Has Gone Before", though spoken.

Shatner: [spoken] I'm Slim Shady. Yes, I'm the real Shady. All you other Slim Shadys, are just imitating. So, won't the real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up? Please stand up.
Walter Koenig [spoken]: How can you do a spoken word version of a hip-hop song?
Melllvar [spoken]: He found a way.

Red + Rodriguez = 2 Real[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by Bender (as Ramblin' Rodriguez), Silicon Red, and Big Caboose in "Forty Percent Leadbelly".

Bender: I'm the real Rodriguez would you please stand up?!
Silicon Red: He been workin' on the railroad ladies can't get enough!
Bender: I made a 3D version of my worst nightmare.
Big Caboose: Sucker tried to stop the printer an' I found 'im there.
Big Caboose & Bender: Went 1.8.7....
Big Caboose: On 'is robot ass.
Bender: Turned out to be a copy of my robot ass.
Silicon Red: Now we're folk-singin' players packing Beaujolais!
Bender: An' makin' max contributions to our 401(k)!
Bender, Silicon Red & Big Caboose: [spoken] Peace out!

The Robanukah Song[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by Bender, Hermes, Amy, Leela, the Planet Express crew, Ruth, and Esther in "The Futurama Holiday Spectacular".

Bender: [spoken] Woah, woah, woah! How come we get off for every dumb human holiday but not for robot holidays?
Leela: [spoken] Oh, Lord, not Robanukah.
Bender: [spoken] I'm talkin' about Robanukah! The holiest six and a half weeks in the robot calendar!
Amy: [spoken] Pfft! That's just a fake holiday you make up every year to get out of work!
Fry: [spoken] Yeah, if it's real, how come there's no song that explains how you celebrate it?
Bender: Because there is! Hit it!
Professor Farnsworth: [spoken] Hit what?
Bender: [spoken] I've placed instruments under your seats. Play 'em or I'll break 'em over your heads!
[Fry gets out a holophonor; the Professor, a fiddle; and Dr. Zoidberg, an accordion, and start playing klezmer music.]
Bender: Robanukah may sound as if it's Jewish,
But its ancient sounding customs are exceptionally newish.
So take a hearty swallow from your robo-kiddish cup,
Which will give me time to quickly make them up.
Hermes: Do you spin a dreidel made from clay?
Bender: Mine is called a droidel and it's rigged to make you pay.
Amy: Do you eat these yummy tin-wrapped chocolate coins?
Bender: Better!
We got fembots with illegal five-speed groins!
Shalom, Ruth and Esther!
Ruth: Why with the music so loud?
Esther: Would it kill him to turn up the heat a little in here?
Bender: But by far the most important thing is oil.
Leela: To keep the lamp light burning or to help the latkes broil?
Bender: No, we pour the holy lubricant out from the sacred vessel
Into this blessed pit so they can wrestle.
Planet Express crew: The extra made-up touch that makes Robanukah so special
Is the oil in which the nasty fembots wrestle.

Robot Brain[edit]

Original performance that parodies Monster Mash by Bobby Pickett.
Performed by Dr. John A. Zoidberg and Little Hermes in "The Six Million Dollar Mon".

Zoidberg: I was lonesome for my friend a minute ago
When a happy thought dispelled my woe.
And I felt perhaps he'd be a bit less dull
Little Hermes: If I sliced up his cyborg skull.
Zoidberg and Little Hermes: He wants a brain!
Zoidberg: He wants a robot brain!
Zoidberg and Little Hermes: Another brain!
Zoidberg: Let's see if he feels pain!
Zoidberg and Little Hermes: A brand new brain!
Zoidberg: It might drive him insane!
Zoidberg and Little Hermes: He wants a brain!
Zoidberg: He wants a robot brain!

Robot Wash[edit]

Cover of "Car Wash" by Rose Royce.
Performed by the Bender in "My Three Suns"

Bender:
Going through the 'bot wash!
Goin' through the robot wash!
C'mon, y'all and sing it with me,
'Bot wash! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
'Bot wash, yeah!

Rumbledy-Hump Song[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by Turanga Leela in "Yo Leela Leela".

Warden Vogel: [spoken] Alright, boys and girls, enough fun. Your old friend, Leela, is back with a brand new story.
Leela: [spoken] Hi, it's great to be back. I think you'll enjoy this one.
[the orphans groan]
Sally: [spoken] Can't we just get our organs harvested?
Leela: It's about some cute little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump. Kids, let's meet the Humplings! [begins a player piano, which starts playing a cute little tune]
[as Lady Buggle] My name is Lady Buggle and I huggle all my friends.
[as Doingg] I'm Silly Spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends. Doingg doingg doingg.
[as Princess Num Num] They call me Princess Num Num, I'm as sweet as sticky buns.
[as Feffernoose] I'm Feffernoose.
[as Lady Buggle] Hello.
[as Feffernoose] I'm scared of everyones.
[as Lady Buggle] Oh, Feffernoose!
[as Garglie, burbling, spoken] What about me?
[as Lady Buggle, spoken] Hey, it's Garglie! Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him.
[as Garglie, burbling, spoken] Nice to meet you.
[as Lady Buggle] We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing
And laugh and learn and smile and think and other happy things.

[the piano stops playing as the orphans stare at Leela, but then erupt in cheering]

Albert: [spoken] Say more things like that!
Leela: [spoken] Okey-doke. One sunny funny day, there was an unfamiliar visitor in Rumbledy-Hump. [fade to the end of the story]
[singing, as Princess Num Num] Today, we learned that folks are not as different as they seem.
The space gorilla's just like us.
[as the space gorilla] Although I breathe chlorine.
[the orphans cheer again]
Sally: [spoken] Wow! I can't believe you imaginated all that stuff!

S[edit]

Santa Claus Is Gunning You Down[edit]

parody of "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town".
Performed by Amy, Professor Farnsworth, Leela, Dr. Zoidberg, Hermes, Bender, and Fry in "Xmas Story".

Professor Farnsworth [spoken]: Let's shut up and sing!
Amy: He knows when you are sleeping,
Professor Farnsworth: He knows when you're on the can,
Leela: He'll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan.
Dr. Zoidberg: Oh,
Hermes: You'd better not breathe, you'd better not move,
Bender: You're better off dead, I'm telling you, dude.
Fry: Santa Claus is gunning you down!

Shut Up and Love Me[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by Wailing Fungus in "Proposition Infinity".

Wailing Fungus: Shut up and love me! Shut up and love me!
 I told you where.
I told you when.
I told you how.
And we'll meet up at ten.
But you keep on talkin'.
You keep on yackin'.
Shut up and love me! Shut up and love me!

The Single Female Lawyer Tune[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by Bender in "When Aliens Attack".
This is the theme Bender sang for the hastily-constructed season finale of Single Female Lawyer made to appease the Omicronians who had invaded Earth. It is not known if the real show had a sung theme, or if it was anything like this one.

Version 1

Bender: Single Female Lawyer,
Fightin' for her client,
Wearin' sexy miniskirts,
And bein' self-reliant.
Version 2
Bender:
Single Female Lawyer,
Havin' lots of sex!

The Street Song[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by Professor Farnsworth, Leela, Hermes, Bender, Fry, Dr. Zoidberg, Amy, Tinny Tim, Nibbler, Nudar, and Robot Santa Claus in Bender's Big Score.

Professor Farnsworth: I may as well jump.
Those sleazy naked Scammers
made me look like a chump.
Nudar: Nah!
Professor Farnsworth: They robbed me of my dignity
And most of my stuff.
Leela: Lars brought me candy.
All others: Cram it down and shut the hell up.
Hermes: I can't compete with that.
He's Barbados Slim,
and I'm Jamaican fat.
Who would choose a backwards corpse,
with lice in his hair?
Leela: Lars says I'm dreamy.
All others: Who the hell cares?
Bender: Oh, won't somebody shoot her please
and put her out of our misery?
Santa [spoken]: That's my cue.
 Tinny Tim [spoken]: Oh, my word.
Fry: Lars makes me puke.
I bet she'd love me too,
if I was a bald-headed kook.
Leela: Hey, guess what, guys.
Dr. Zoidberg: What?!
Leela: While we were huddled in fear,
Lars popped the question.
Professor Farnsworth: 'Congratulations!
Dr. Zoidberg: Mazel tov!
Amy: May stars in heaven bless your love!
Bender: I think I'm gonna cry,
'Cause it's an extra-happy Xmas this year.

T[edit]

That Was Then And This Is Too[edit]

Original performance in the style of Frank Sinatra.
Performed by Seth MacFarlane in Into the Wild Green Yonder. Available as a karaoke track in Volume 7.

MacFarlane: You and I will be reborn
In a future place and time
If everything our Hindu brethren say is true
In an age of things that hover
You and I will still be lovers
And we'll say to ourselves
"That was then, this is too"
Heads: Doo doo doo-doody doo doo da-doo doo doo
MacFarlane: 'Cause we'll still find the happenin' hot spots
We'll still cruise the cool casinos
You'll still fly me to the moon
Although the moon to which you'll fly me could be Phobos or Deimos
The psychic worms from Rigel 9
Who control ev'rything we do
Will make us think that was then
And three thousand and ten
Is exactly the same as nineteen sixty two
Don't expect any changes, my friend
That was then, and this is too—!

This Toy Shop's Going to War[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by Robot Santa Claus, his aides (the Neptunian elves), Kwanzaa-bot, the Chanukah Zombie, Nixon, and Leela in Bender's Big Score. Available as a karaoke track in Volume 7.

Santa: I brought the elves back from vacation,
Chained them up and called my holiday friends.
Kwanzaa-bot: Kwanzaa-bot.
Chanukah Zombie: And the Chanukah Zombie.
Santa: Three mad wise men
bearing murder and frankincense.
Neptunian elves: Damn you, doo doo doo doo.
Santa: [simultaneous] Shutup.
Now fetch those bunnies by the armful.
Neptunian elves: Says who? Doo doo doo doo.
Santa: [simultaneous] Says me.
Napalm makes them slightly more harmful.
No one here goes near that door,
this toyshop's goin' to war.
Chanukah Zombie: Talmud says be slow to anger,
Low-down scammers got me seeing red.
Got my TIE Fighter out of the hangar.
Jump back, Jack,
'Cause I'm Jewish and I'm undead.
Neptunian elves: Ten-hut, doo doo doo doo.
Chanukah Zombie: [simultaneous] Dreidel, dreidel,
I made it out of blasting clay.
Neptunian elves: You're nuts, doo doo doo doo.
Chanukah Zombie: [simultaneous] And when it's dry and ready,
for mercy they will pray,
I can't wait eight nights or more.
This zombie's goin' to war.
[Santa begins beat boxing]
Kwanzaa-bot: Ch, Check it out,
Kwanzaa-bot in the neptizzle hizzle,
with my inhuman beat-box,
busy building missiles.
They're guided by these cute dancing fairy figures.
Careful little elf, that's proximity-triggered.
I'm fighting back for Kwanzaa so the children won't miss it.
I'm confused about its meaning,
but I know it when they diss it.
So Santa?
Santa: Yeah, Kay?
Kwanzaabot: Cee Zee?
Chanukah Zombie : Say hey.
Kwanzaabot: Let's slay them pimps.
Come on, pimp my sleigh.
Chanukah Zombie: Easy with that toy artillery,
Torgo's Powder's deadly, but unstable.
Santa: [spoken] Can they sue for liability?
Nixon: [spoken] Certainly not!
Santa: Use as much as you are able.
Neptunian Elves: This bites, doo doo doo doo
Santa: [simultaneous] You signed away your rights when you were hired.
Nixon & Leela: Now, let's fight.
Neptunian elves: Doo doo doo doo.
Santa: [simultaneous] Okay, chestnuts roasting I'm gonna open fire.
Prepare for gore galore.
Santa, Kwanzaabot & Chanukah Zombie: This trinity's goin' to war.

Total Eclipse of the Heart[edit]

Cover of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler.
Performed by Kif in "Amazon Women in the Mood".

TV Party[edit]

Original performance to the tune of "TV Party" by Black Flag.
Performed by Bender, Professor Farnsworth, Fry, Leela, Dr. Zoidberg, Hermes, Cubert, Dwight and Amy in "Bender Should Not Be Allowed on Television".

Bender: TV party tonight!
Professor Farnsworth: Eh wha?
Bender: TV party tonight!
Professor Farnsworth: Oh!
Fry: We've got nothing better to do
Leela: Than watch TV and have a couple of brews
Dr. Zoidberg: Don't want to talk about anything else
Fry: We don't wanna know!
Professor Farnsworth: We're dedicated, yes
Hermes: To our favorite shows!
Cubert: All My Circuits!
Dwight: Everybody Loves Hypno-Toad!
Amy: Scary Door!
Leela: Blernesday Night Blernsball!
Bender: Futurama!

W[edit]

The Wagon Song[edit]

Original performance to the tune of the theme from "Bonanza".
Performed by Bender in "Where the Buggalo Roam".

Bender: We've got a right to pick a little fight with rustlers,
Somebody wants to pick a fight with us,
He'd better bite my ass.

We Love Our Vegetables[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by Leela, Fry, Bender, Dr. Zoidberg, and Amy in "Yo Leela Leela".

Leela: [as Lady Buggle] Be it parsnips or peppers or kale or zucchini.
Fry: [as Doingg] I like to relax with a spinach martini.
Bender: [as Garglie] A-gurgle bufwoozle didoodi houdini.
Bender, Fry, Amy, Zoidberg, and Leela: [as the Humplings] 'Cause we love our vegetables.
Doubledeal: [spoken] And cut! That's a wrap, everybody. Ten minute break, then we shoot season three.

Welcome to Robot Hell[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by Bender, the Robot Devil, the Beastie Boys, Fry, and Leela in "Hell Is Other Robots", and the very beginning was sung in "Ghost in the Machines". Available as a karaoke track in Volume 7.

Version 1

Robot Devil: Cigars are evil, you won't miss 'em. We'll find ways to simulate that smell
What a sorry fella! Rolled up and smoked like a panatella,
Here on Level One of Robot Hell!
Robot Devil: Gambling's wrong and so is cheating; so is forging phony I.O.U's
Let's let lady luck decide what type of torture's justified
I'm pit boss here on Level Two!
[spoken] Ooh, deep-fried robot!
Bender: Just tell me why!
Robot Devil: Please read this 55-page warrant.
Bender: There must be robots worse than I
Robot Devil: We checked around, there really aren't.
Bender: Then please let me explain: my crimes were merely boyish pranks
Robot Devil: You stole from boy scouts, nuns and banks!
Bender: Oh, don't blame me, blame my up-bringin'.
Robot Devil: Please stop sinning while I'm singing.
Selling bootleg tapes is wrong, musicians need that income to survive.
Beastie Boys: Hey, Bender, gonna make some noise
With your hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys
That's what ya, what ya, what ya get on Level Five!
Fry: I don't feel well.
Leela: It's up to us to rescue him.
Fry: Maybe he likes it here in Hell.
Leela: It's us who tempted him to sin.
Fry: Maybe he's back at the motel.
Leela: Come on, Fry, now don't be scared
I'm sure at least one of us will be spared
So just sit back and enjoy the ride.
Fry: My ass has blisters from the slide!
Robot Devil: Fencing diamonds
Fixing cockfights
Publishing indecent magazines
You'll pay for every crime
Knee deep in electric slime
You'll suffer till the end of time
Enduring tortures most of which rhyme
Trapped forever here in Robot Hell!
[Spoken] Of course, that's just for starters.

Welcome to Robot Hell II[edit]

Original performance
Performed by the Robot Devil in "Ghost in the Machines"

Robot Devil:
You may find your vict'ry pyrrhic
When subjected to this lyric
For a trillion years or so...
Yeah!
Bender's ghost: Woah-oh!

"Whalers on The Moon"[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by Whalers on the Moon in "The Series Has Landed".

Whalers: We're whalers on the moon,
We carry a harpoon,
For there ain't no whales
So we tell tall tales
And sing our whaling tune.

X[edit]

The Xmas Song[edit]

Original performance.
Performed by Robot Santa Claus, one of his aides (a Neptunian elf), Leela, Professor Farnsworth, and the Planet Express crew in "The Futurama Holiday Spectacular".

Fry [spoken]: Can someone please explain how you celebrate this crazy holiday? Preferably in song?
Robot Santa: It's the violentest season of the year.
Neptunian elf: Old Kringle-bot has come to spread some mugs of Xmas fear.
Robot Santa: Sugar-plummy visions will be dancing in your head
When I cane you from the comfort of my sled.
Leela: On Xmas Eve, we don our gay apparel,
Kevlar vests, asbestos stockings and a barrel.
Professor Farnsworth: And if Grandma's Xmas fruitcake finally reaches critical mass,
It can be regifted straight to Santa's ass.
Robot Santa: But the ornamental armaments are merely superficial,
The tinsel and the trappings are just icing on the missile.
The one thing that you need to make your Xmas day splendiferous
Is a pine tree; a pine tree that's coniferous.
Planet Express crew (except Amy): We have to have a pine tree as coniferous.
Robot Santa [spoken]: You're welcome.