Transcript:Put Your Head on My Shoulders

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Transcript for
Put Your Head on My Shoulders
Written by	Ken Keeler
Transcribed by	The Neutral Planet

[Opening Credits. Caption: Not Based On The Novel by James Fenimore Cooper.]

[Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. On the TV the heads of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln sit on podiums in front of a red curtain.]

Lincoln: [on TV] Four score and 1145 years ago our forefathers' foreheads conceived a new nation.

Washington: [on TV] And this Presidents' Day we honoureth those values that my body fought and died for.

[Behind the heads the curtain opens and reveals a car showroom. The salesman, a robot with pieces falling off, points to a car.]

Malfunctioning Eddie: [on TV] Values like this brand new Plymouth V'Ger! Hi, I'm Malfunctioning Eddie and I'm malfunctioning so badly I'm practically giving these cars away!

Amy: Hey, let's go car shopping! My parents promised if I got all B's they'd buy me a bar, and I got all C's!

Bender: Mind if I tag along? I gotta bring my ass in for servicing. [He picks up a recall notice.] The recall notice says it could burst into flames in a low-speed collision.

Fry: No wonder you've been staying at the back of conga lines lately.

Leela: I'll get my coat. Let's go, Bender.

[She taps his ass with a rolled-up newspaper and it bursts into flames. Amy, Fry and Leela recoil in horror.]

[Scene: Malfunctioning Eddie's Showroom. A man with an accent introduces himself to Amy.]

Victor: Hello, I am Victor and I know many things about the art of unloading fine cars on beautiful women.

[He kisses her hand.]

Leela: Uh-huh. Now tell us she's witty and sophisticated.

Victor: Ah-ah-ah! A gentleman always sells a lady a car first. [He takes Amy over to a car.] This is the Beta Romeo. Yes, the Beta Romeo. Note the cross-your-heart seat belt which protects, lifts and separates.

[At the coffee machine Fry pours himself a cup. A salesman puts his hand on his shoulder.]

Thundercougarfalconbird salesman: Spotted her the minute you walked in, didn't you, sir? She's a real beauty.

Fry: Yup, she's beautiful coffee alright.

Salesman: No, the Ford Thundercougarfalconbird! [He takes Fry over to a car.] Nothing makes you feel more like a man than a Thundercougarfalconbird. So how much were you thinking of spending on this Thundercougarfalconbird?

Fry: Sorry, I'm not here to buy.

Salesman: I understand, and it's wonderful you don't care whether anyone questions your sexual orientation.

Fry: I care! I care plenty! I just don't know how to make them stop!

Salesman: One word: Thundercougarfalconbird!

[Amy and Victor sit in the Beta Romeo.]

Victor: The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down and the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards.

Amy: That's an awful lot of eagle.

Victor: Yes, and yet--

[He sighs.]

Amy: What's wrong?

Victor: It is just ... the luxury edition has so much more eagle. It saddens me to think of you missing out.

Amy: Oh, don't be sad. My parents are paying and they're incredibly rich.

[Victor raises his right eyebrow and pushes it down again with his finger.]

[Scene: Service Department. Bender lies on a raised platform and a mechanic drills into his back, causing him pain. The mechanic lowers him to the floor and he gets up.]

Mechanic: I installed shock-absorbing bumpers to reduce the risk of catastrophic butt failure.

[Bender turns around and gasps at what he sees grafted to his butt.]

Bender: You, sir, have defaced a national treasure! I demand you restore my buttocks to their former glory.

[He gets back onto the platform.]

Mechanic: Alright. But sooner or later that ass is gonna blow, and when it does, I just pray you're not moonin' someone you care about.

[Scene: Malfunctioning Eddie's Showroom. Amy and Leela look under the bonnet of the Beta Romeo.]

Amy: Smeesh, Leela! This car has everything a beautiful woman like me needs. Victor said so.

[Victor chuckles.]

Victor: [quietly; to himself] No dog food for Victor tonight.

[Leela closes the bonnet.]

Leela: OK, the sticker says 55,000, but we'll only go as high as, say--

[Amy puts her hand in the air.]

Amy: 60,000!

[Leela sighs.]

Victor: Oh, I will have to ask my manager.

[He walks into Malfunctioning Eddie's office.]

Leela: Amy, you don't go up from the sticker price.

Amy: I thought it was an auction.

[Through the office window, we see Victor say something to Eddie. Eddie smiles and they both dance. Victor comes back out again.]

Victor: He is not too happy.

Amy: I'm sorry. 80,000?

[Eddie's head explodes.]

[Scene: New New York City Street. Amy and the others drive back to the Planet Express building. Outside, she prepares to park the car.]

Amy: Uh-oh. I'm terrible at parallel parking.

[The car moves into a space sideways then shunts two cars in front and behind it.]

[Scene: Planet Express Corridor. Fry and Leela walk past Hermes' office.]

Hermes: [from inside] And now you're asking for a day off? Get out of my and my sight! [Fry and Leela look at each other and shrug.] You're bogarting my patience.

[The door opens and Hermes walks out.]

Leela: Hermes, who were you yelling at?

Hermes: Myself. I asked myself a Valentine's Day off, but I was in no mood for any of my shenanigans.

Fry: Valentine's Day's coming? Oh, crap! I forgot to get a girlfriend again. Well, since neither of us has a date, why don't we...?

Leela: You just assume I can't get a Valentine's date?

Fry: Shall we say eight o'clock?

[Enter Amy.]

Amy: Hey, I'm taking my new car out for a spin to Mercury. Anybody wanna come?

Fry: Yeah, OK. What's the weather like?

Amy: The usual: Boiling lead, oceans of lava.

Fry: So, what? Shorts?

[Scene: Amy's Car. They drive across the Mercurial surface listening to music.]

Fry: Boy, this A.C. is incredible! [He shivers.] I'd better turn on the heater too. [He does and the fuel gauge starts to go down. They pass Hg's Fuel, the only fuel station on the planet.] [shouting] Boy, this heater is incredible! I'd better turn up the A.C. some more.

Amy: [shouting] Hey, how about some icy margaritas?

Fry: [shouting] Yeah! [He pushes a button and two glasses and a mixer comes out. The fuel gauge drops further.] We're slowing down!

Amy: [shouting] Don't worry. I'll hit the fuel guzzler!

[She presses a button and the car accelerates.]

Fry: [shouting] Who wants pop-tarts? [He puts the pop-tarts in the toaster and turns it on full. The engine stops, the heater and A.C. go off, the mixer stops and the car jerks to a halt, then falls to the ground. Amy gasps and sees the fuel gauge is empty. Fry takes his shades off and sees the sign to Hg's Fuel; 4750 miles one way, 4750 miles the other way.] Uh-oh!

Amy: It's OK, I have an emergency phone.

[She picks up a make-up case and applies blusher to her cheeks.]

Fry: What are you doing?

Amy: Spluh! It's a video-phone. [She presses a button on the steering wheel and a screen and dialling pad fold out. She dials.] Lucky I'm a member of the Astro-Afro-Antarctico-Amer-Asian Auto Association. [A man appears on the screen.] Hello? Septuple-A?

[The sun beats down on the planet. Beads of sweat pour down Fry's face. He leans back over the seat and pulls the hood over the car.]

Fry: Phew!

[Amy finishes her call and sighs.]

Amy: It'll be a couple hours. Oh, I'm gonna get sweat on my sweat-suit.

[She pulls the zip on her top down.]

Fry: Hey, tell me something: You've got all this money, how come you always dress like you're doing your laundry?

Amy: I guess 'cause my parents keep telling me to be more ladylike. [She scoffs.] As though!

Fry: I've been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the Pope?

[Amy laughs.]

Amy: Yeah, and if you were the Pope they'd be all, "Straighten your Pope hat," and, "Put on your good vestments." [Fry laughs then Amy joins in.] You know, Fry, it's nice to find someone I can talk to about stuff, and junk.

Fry: Yeah, it's like we feel the same way about junk and stuff, or, whatever.

[He smiles. She smiles back.]

[Scene: Mercury Surface. Later, the sun is setting and the Septuple-A recovery truck arrives. A man gets out and sees the car hood is steamed up. He laughs, rubs off the condensation and peers inside. Amy and Fry each hold a hand of cards. The man sighs disappointedly.]

[Cut to: Amy's Car. The recovery truck tows it.]

Amy: So while they're towin' us, you wanna do it?

Fry: Yeah.

[They kiss and disappear below the seats. The man laughs again.]

[Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. The next morning, the staff sit around the table as Hermes presents a chart to them.]

Hermes: Which concludes the summary of the movie I saw last night. Now, any old business?

All: [simultaneous] No.

Hermes: Any new business?

All: [simultaneous] No.

Hermes: Anyone spend the night together?

[Everyone except Fry and Amy replies "No".]

Amy: Yep.

Fry: Kind of.

[Everyone gasps.]

Bender: What?

Hermes: Oh, my God!

Amy: We ran out of fuel on Mercury and one thing led to another.

Fry: And it led there again when we got home.

[He and Amy chuckle.]

Bender: Congratulations, Fry, you snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich, she's probably got other characteristics.

Leela: Bender! Romance isn't about money.

Bender: Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Puh-lease!

Leela: For your information, it's because he's hideous.

[Zoidberg sighs.]

Hermes: Well I think Amy and Fry go together like a lime and coconut.

Farnsworth: Do I hear wedding bells?

Fry: What? No!

Farnsworth: Really? Oh, dear.

[He pats the side of his head. Zoidberg sighs.]

Zoidberg: You're both very lucky. I'd pay anything to end my miserable loneliness. If only I weren't so desperately poor.

Bender: Wait. You mean people will pay good money for romance? Hmm. I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I--

[Scene: Courtroom. The judge bangs his gavel.]

Judge: $500 and time served.

Bender: Stupid anti-pimping laws! [He turns to Leela.] Well, pay the man!

[He struts out. His two Hookerbots follow him.]

Hookerbot: Bender, honey, we love you!

Bender: Shut up, baby, I know it!

[Scene: Planet Express Corridor. Bender hammers a sign on a door that has "Bender's Computing Dating Service. Discreet And Discrete" written on it.]

Bender: Ah, computer dating. It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head".

Leela: Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help?

Bender: Hey! Don't make me go upside your head!

[Scene: Planet Express: Zoidberg's Office. Zoidberg files his claws while Hermes knocks on the supply room door.]

Hermes: [shouting] Fry! Amy! Put your pants back on! I need a stapler.

[He struggles to open the locked door. Zoidberg blocks his way.]

Zoidberg: Stop! Stop! If you interrupt the mating dance the male will become enraged and maul us with his fearsome gonad.

[Cut to: Planet Express: Supply Room.]

Fry: [whispering] It's working, they think we're making out. [They laugh then juggle.] Wait, why aren't we making out?

Amy: I 'unno.

[They kiss and drop to the floor.]

[Scene: Planet Express Corridor. Outside the lounge, Larry, Lou and a saleswoman from Alien Overlord & Taylor queue to use Bender's dating service.]

[Cut to: Planet Express: Lounge. Bender has set up his dating service at the table and is about to interview a client.]

Bender: OK, Mister...?

Zapp: Uh, Smith! Zapp Smith. Uh, Brannigan.

Bender: Just check off the things you're looking for in a love partner.

[He hands Zapp a sheet of paper.]

Zapp: Let's see ... Oh, yes! [He punches out a hole.] Yes, definitely. [He punches out another.] Oh, I'd like some of that. [Another one.] Mmm, I'll just have everything on the menu.

[He punches out the rest of the holes and hands it back to Bender.]

Bender: Now to run it through our high-speed romance-a-logical data-fier. [He screws up the sheet and throws it in his chest cabinet and imitates a computer by beeping. He then pulls out a random sheet and hands it to Zapp.] Say hello to Miss Right!

Zapp: [sexfully] Hello!

[He rubs the paper against his chest.]

[Scene: Planet Express: Supply Room. Amy and Fry finish making out. Fry gasps.]

Fry: Wow! We're great kissers!

Amy: Yeah! Hey, later, you wanna drive out to Europa? We could have a picnic and spit watermelon seeds at Jupiter.

Fry: Hey, yeah! I used to spit at stuff back in the 20th century. Ah, it's cool how we sort of think exactly alike, and junk.

Amy: Yeah. Y'know, Fry, I really like hanging out with you.

[Fry is shocked.]

[Scene: Planet Express: Hangar. Leela welds a section of the cargo lift while Fry paces backwards and forwards.]

Fry: Everything was going great. Then, all of a sudden, she's talking about hanging out. Hanging out? She's getting way too serious. I'm not a one woman man, Leela.

Leela: You'll be back to zero soon enough.

Fry: Don't you get it? She's smothering me.

[Amy walks past.]

Amy: Hi.

Fry: You see? You see? Now she's bothering me when I'm at work.

Leela: Fry--

Fry: I'm doing my job, there's Amy; I spend a few hours selecting a candy from the machine, there's Amy; I wake up the morning after sleeping with Amy, there's Amy!

Leela: I think you're over reacting.

Fry: Am I? [shouting] Am I? [talking] Face it, I'm a prize catch. [He belches.] I mean, I'm pulling down delivery boy money.

Leela: Fry, she's pulling down billionaire trust-fund money.

Fry: Then she wants me as a trophy husband. Leela, you gotta come to Europa with us. I can't be alone with her.

[Amy arrives with a picnic basket.]

Amy: So, ready for a secluded picnic with just you and me?

Fry: Hey, you know who loves secluded picnics with just you and me? [He looks over Amy's shoulder at Leela. She shakes her head.] Uh, Dr. Zoidberg.

[Zoidberg, scavenging through a dustbin, looks up.]

Zoidberg: Did someone say something about a free hot meal?

[Scene: Amy, Fry and Zoidberg listen to Scruffy the Cat's Moons of Jupiter as they drive to Europa. They pass the orbiting Monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey which has an "Out of Order" note taped to it and drive across the icy surface.]

[Cut to: Amy's Car. Zoidberg eats the contents of the picnic basket.]

Zoidberg: Mmm, I haven't eaten since Tuesday! Bird eggs, animal slices ... [He gobbles down the food.] ... dry woven reeds! [He eats the basket.] All gone! Can I drive?

Amy: No. So, Fry, you busy tomorrow? I got two tickets to the big ape fight.

Fry: Jeez, we're already planning to spend Valentine's Day together. Isn't that enough?

Amy: OK, sure. What do you wanna do for Valentine's Day?

Fry: Oh, so all of a sudden we're spending Valentine's Day together?

Amy: But you just said--

Fry: That's it, Amy, we have to talk. Zoidberg, you drive.

Zoidberg: Wahoo!

[Cut to: Outside Amy's Car. The car tips as they change places.]

Fry: [from inside] Pardon me, excuse me.

[Cut to: Amy's Car. Zoidberg is at the wheel while Fry and Amy are in the back.]

Zoidberg: Ah, I'll just turn the wheel to maximum fastness!

[He turns it. Amy screams.]

Fry: Amy, you know how at first you like chocolate but then you start to get tired of it because it always wants to hang out with you?

Amy: Huh? You don't like chocolate?

Fry: Look, could chocolate just let me finish?

Zoidberg: Vroom, vroom! And the winner of the big car race is ... Hot Rod Zoidberg!

[He mimes a crowd cheering.]

Fry: Amy, what I'm trying to say is, I think maybe you and I should stop--

[Something in the front snaps. Zoidberg has pulled the wheel off.]

Zoidberg: Uh-oh. Here, you drive!

[He offers the wheel to Fry. The car spins out of control, hitting chunks of ice. It heads straight for a huge mountain of ice. Fry screams and the car crashes.]

[Scene: Europa Surface. Fry comes to. Zoidberg looks over him.]

Zoidberg: Fry? Are you alright?

Fry: Ow! My head is killing me. What happened? Was anybody hurt?

Zoidberg: No, no, no, no, no, of course not. Nobody but you. I'm afraid your body was badly damaged in the crash.

Fry: How badly?

Zoidberg: That's it over there. [He points to Fry's headless body. Fry screams.] Don't worry, I managed to keep your head alive with some quick surgery.

[Fry moves his eyes up and down.]

Fry: Where is it?

[Zoidberg points.]

Zoidberg: There.

[Fry turns to his right and sees Amy's head. Zoidberg has grafted his head onto her left shoulder.]

Amy: Looks like we'll be spending a lot more time together, Fry!

[Fry screams.]

[Scene: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Farnsworth and Zoidberg inspect Fry's body. Leela tuts.]

Leela: This sort of thing always happens with office romances.

Zoidberg: Don't worry, Fry, we'll have your body all fixed up in a few days. [He lifts Fry's body up over his shoulder.] Upsy daisy!

[He walks out of the room, hitting the body on the walls on the way out. Fry whimpers.]

Fry: Well, Amy, I'll try not to interfere with your life too much.

[Amy appears to pick her nose.]

Amy: Fry!

Fry: Ooh, sorry. I guess I control that arm.

[He waves the arm around and hoots.]

Amy: So, what was it you wanted to talk about before we crashed anyway?

Fry: Oh, that. [He turns and sees Farnsworth sweeping behind them.] Maybe we'd better talk in private. [whispering] I'll meet you in the closet.

[Scene: Planet Express: Supply Room.]

Fry: Amy, I really like you, as a friend. But I think we're spending too much time together.

Amy: You're breaking up with me?

Fry: I just think we should start seeing other people.

Amy: But, I was really having fun. [She sighs.] If that's how you feel.

Fry: I'm sorry, but it is.

Amy: Well, whatever. Hey, listen, as long as we're not seeing each other, you mind if I ask someone else out for Valentine's Day?

Fry: Huh?

Amy: I mean, unless it would make you feel bad, being a third wheel.

Fry: Hey, I can get a date too. Now that I'm single, I'll attract all sorts of women!

Amy: With my body I think you might only attract one sort of woman.

Fry: [happy] Oh! [disappointed] Oh!

[Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. Bender drinks from a bottle. Leela sits down and plays with his "Dating Consultant" nameplate nonchalantly.]

Leela: So, how's business?

[Bender opens his chest cabinet, revealing a huge pile of money. He pulls out a $500 note.]

Bender: Are you familiar with my friend Al Gore? I'm tellin' you, losers get really desperate around Valentine's Day.

Leela: Yeah, it's pathetic alright! [She whistles. Bender hums.] How much?

Bender: 500 bucks.

Leela: Done.

Bender: Zapp Brannigan OK?

Leela: No!

Bender: 600.

[Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. Enter Leela who sees Fry and Amy playing table tennis. Fry sees Leela.]

Fry: Oh, hey, Leela, uh, can I talk to you for a minute? [He turns to Amy.] In private?

Amy: Oh, no problem.

[She puts her fingers in her ears and sings to herself in Chinese.]

Fry: This is an emergency. Amy made Valentine's plans with some goon and I'm gonna be stuck there, lonely and miserable. Will you be my date, please?

Leela: You're too late, Fry. I'm sharing Valentine's Day with a very special man. He's not Zapp Brannigan or anything!

Fry: Then I have no choice but to do something so pitiful and embarrassing that I'm ashamed to tell you about it.

Leela: Bender's in his office.

Fry: Thanks.

[Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. Amy continues to sing while Fry does business with Bender.]

Bender: I got your hook-up, Fry. Now, my usual fee's 500 bucks, but seeing as how it's you, I'll need it in advance.

[Scene: Amy's Apartment. Amy dresses herself while Fry "helps".]

Amy: OK, Fry, we're done putting on the bra.

Fry: Why exactly did you shave your legs anyway? Are you expecting something to happen with your Valentine's date?

Amy: What business is it of yours?

Fry: And another thing: You're using an awful lot of make-up there.

Amy: This is deodorant.

Fry: What does it do?

[The doorbell rings. Amy reaches for her dress.]

Amy: [shouting] C'mon in, Gary! I'll just be another 20 minutes.

Gary: [from outside] I'll be waiting.

Fry: 20 minutes? You're practically ready now!

Amy: Yeah, but it's good to make them wait a little.

Fry: Oh, God, it's true!

[Scene: Elzar's Fine Cuisine. Amy, Gary and Fry sit at a table. Fry eats a hamburger.]

Gary: That dress looks great on you.

Amy: [simultaneous] Thanks.

Fry: [simultaneous] Thanks. [He watches the door.] Where is she?

Gary: I must say, Amy, you're all made up, just like Fry's date. Get it?

[Amy shakes her head.]

Amy: Mm-mm.

Fry: I've got a date. She'll be along any minute.

[Enter Bender with an old woman.]

Bender: Fry, look who I found! It's Petunia, your dream girl!

Petunia: How's them eats?

Fry: Uh--

Petunia: Don't mind if I do. [She puts the hamburger into her handbag.] Kids'll be hungry.

Fry: [whispering] She seems a little old for me.

Bender: She is well-travelled. And I don't mean she travels a lot!

Petunia: Wheels fell off my house.

Bender: Now how about a rose for the lady? Five bucks a pop!

Gary: I'll take one.

Fry: Oh, yeah? Well I want one too.

Bender: Eight bucks.

Fry: But you just said--

Bender: Demand suddenly skyrocketed. You all saw it!

[On another table, Leela sits alone. She sighs. Bender arrives.]

Bender: Leela, meet your future husband Sal.

[Sal wears blue overalls and has a cigarette in his mouth. He cringes.]

Sal: Nice eyeball, eyeball.

Leela: Nice ass, ass.

Bender: Ooh, sparks! [whispering] Buy her a rose, I guarantee she'll put out!

[Sal considers then sits down.]

Sal: Eh, I'll take my chances.

[Time Lapse. Bender's other clients are also there. Larry eats from Hattie's fork and Zapp makes a toast with his woman who has a five-o'clock shadow.]

Zapp: Cheers!

"Woman": Cheers!

Petunia: So tell me about your prospects. You a good gambler?

Fry: Well, ma'am, I--

Petunia: What's your game? Bingo? Keno? Wait a minute! You don't have your own body.

Fry: No, but I control this arm.

Petunia: Slots player, huh? Sorry, but I think I can do better.

[She gets up from the table.]

Fry: Wait, come back, uh, darling.

Petunia: Can't, hon', I gotta catch my bus back to Nutley. I'd kiss you goodnight but I lost my teeth pulling out a stump.

[She walks towards the exit.]

Sal: So anyways, Leela, I'd love to take a whack at ya but that 10:15 to Nutley ain't goin' nowheres without yours truly behinds the wheel.

Petunia: Excuse me, did you say "10:15 to Nutley"?

Sal: Why, yes I dids.

[They stare into each others eyes and passionately kiss. Leela turns to Bender.]

Leela: [whispering] Bender! Did you just round up our dates at the bus station?

Bender: Of course not.

Sal: [shouting] Anybodys else for Nutley?

[Bender's customers get up and head for the door. Zapp's date also leaves.]

Zapp: Baby, wait! You didn't show me your surprise.

[Gary has his arm around Amy.]

Gary: [whispering] You know what I'd like to do...?

Fry: Oh, jeez, get a room!

Gary: Maybe later.

[Fry is shocked.]

Fry: Hey, I have an idea: Let's all go out for ice cream.

Gary: Actually, I thought Amy might like to come back to my place for coffee.

Amy: I don't really like coffee.

Gary: Neither do I.

[Fry is shocked again.]

Amy: Ooh, I feel a little tipsy!

[Fry is shocked again.]

Gary: Let me pick up the check.

Fry: Nooo! [Gary drops his card onto the check.] That's it I'm gettin' the hell outta here. [He tugs at his head.] Ooh! Ow!

[Leela hears Fry and walks to their table just as Amy and Gary are about to leave.]

Leela: Why, if it isn't my favourite head on Amy's body: Fry.

Fry: Oh, Leela!

Amy: We were just on our way out.

Leela: Nonsense, the evening's young. So, Gary, what do you do for a living?

Gary: I'm a banking industry regulator.

[Amy sighs.]

Leela: Really? Y'know, I heard that banking industry regulations are really very simple.

Gary: Oh, no, that's not true. You see, modern banking regulations are a product of five different regulatory traditions. Six if you wanna get technical.

Leela: Oh, I do.

Gary: It all began in 1410 when a number of noblemen convened...

[Fry and Leela look at each other.]

Fry: [whispering] Thank you.

[They smile.]

[Scene: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Zoidberg finishes stitching Fry's head to his neck.]

Zoidberg: There you are, good as new. Except for your dorsal fin. I'm afraid I couldn't find it after the crash.

Fry: Can I live without it?

Zoidberg: If you call that living.

Farnsworth: I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me graft a laser cannon onto your chest. To crush those who disobey you. [He sighs.] But I guess we're just two different people.

[He and Zoidberg leave.]

Fry: So, uh, thanks for the ride, Amy. And I hope there are no hard feelings about your date, or stuff.

Amy: It's OK, I had fun. And if I ever feel lonely I can just look over at this disfiguring scar and think of you.

[They smile. Amy leaves. Fry sighs.]

Fry: Well, anyway, it's nice to have my own body back.

[He yawns, stretches and pats his chest. He looks down and sighs. Enter Leela and Bender.]

Leela: So how's the old corpse? Everything hooked up OK?

[Fry stands up.]

Fry: Seems to be. My neck's just a little tender. [He touches his neck and kicks himself.] Ow! Cool! [He does it again.] Ow! Listen, Leela. Thanks for rescuing me last night.

Leela: Anytime. I actually enjoyed hanging out with you.

[Enter Bender, counting his profits.]

Bender: Yep, everything worked out great thanks to good old Bender.

Leela: Come on! It's not like you intentionally set us up with bad dates so we'd spend Valentine's Day together.

Bender: Didn't I, Leela? Didn't I?

[He winks and a heart wipe closes the scene but opens up again.]

Leela: No! You didn't! You just corralled a bunch of stiffs at the bus station and pocketed our money!

Bender: True. But in the end, isn't that what Valentine's Day is really all about?

Leela: Yeah.

Fry: I guess so. [Bender laughs and puts his arms around Fry and Leela and pats them.] Watch the neck! Watch the neck!

[He kicks Bender's ass and it sparks.]

Bender: My ass! My beautiful ass!

[It explodes.]

[Closing Credits.]

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