|The Grand Midwife|
|Planet of origin||Amphibios 9|
|Profession||See Jobs section|
|First appearance||"Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch" (4ACV01)|
|Voiced by||Tress MacNeille|
The Grand Midwife (also known as the Grand Priestess, the Grand Lunch Lady, the Grand Funeral Director, and the Grand Butterfly Curator) is an Amphibiosan who explains the ceremony that must be performed before the delivering of babies at the Amphibiosan Sacred Birthing Grounds, namely the Clan Kroker's Sacred Birthing Grounds. She then helps the pregnant individual give birth. She has learnt the ceremony involved by rote and refuses to change it. The Grand Midwife presided at Kif's Fon-Fon-Rubok ceremony and his funeral.
She claims to have five grand jobs, the first from the original run (4ACV01) as the Grand Midwife. Later, she is visited again, where she acts as the Grand Priestess and the Grand Funeral Director. She also claims to be the Grand Lunch Lady, as well as the Grand Butterfly Curator. In the storyboard animatic, she claims to be the Grand Chairwoman of the planet's Federal Reserves.
Grand Midwife: Where is your Smizmar?
Kif: She's not with me.
Grand Midwife: Oh the sorrow, oh the shame! I'm sorry I'm probably making you feel worse.
Grand Midwife: I am the Grand Priestess!
Fry: Aren't also the Grand Midwife?
Grand Midwife: And the Grand Lunch Lady. I work five jobs; all grand.
Grand Midwife: I am the Grand Funeral Director!
Dr. Zoidberg: Do you validate parking?
Grand Priestess: As it was, so now it is. You may now eat the snake.
[The Grand Priestess hands Kif and Amy a two headed snake. They both bite off a head and start chewing.]
Grand Priestess: If you so choose.
[Kif and Amy spit out the snake in disgust.]
Grand Priestess: It's not part of the ceremony. I just had an extra snake.
Grand Butterfly Curator: Greetings, ecotourists! I am the Grand Butterfly Curator!...This week.