Transcript:The Cryonic Woman
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|The Cryonic Woman|
|Written by||J. Stewart Burns|
|Transcribed by||The Neutral Planet|
- [Opening Credits. Caption: Not a Substitute for Human Interaction.]
- [Scene: Ships Cockpit. The ship is in the Planet Express hangar and Fry and Bender are in the cockpit. Fry flies a scale model of the ship around and makes whoosh-y noises, then a crackling radio noise.]
Fry: Giant Space Robot, this is Captain Fry of the USS Planet Express Ship. We come in peace.
Bender: Tough luck!
- [He takes a hammer out of his chest cabinet and knocks the ship out of Fry's hands. It lands on the floor and Bender smashes it to bits. He and Fry laugh.]
Fry: Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship. Now what are we gonna do?
Bender: [pointing] Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship.
Fry: Do you think we should?
- [Bender stands up.]
Bender: [firmly] Yes, I do.
- [Cut to: Planet Express: Kitchen. At the conference table Zoidberg reads a book, Hermes sits with an iMac in front of him and Amy eats something with chopsticks. In the kitchen, Leela finishes washing a "Universe's #1 Space Pilot" mug and puts it next to Fry's "Universe's #4307697 Delivery Boy" mug.]
Farnsworth: Leela, have you seen the keys to the spaceship?
Leela: [patting her pockets] I must've left them onboard.
Farnsworth: Eh, wha? I mean, what?
Leela: Relax. The ship's not going anywhere. I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond tether.
- [The ship begins to rumble and slowly rises into the air. Leela and Farnsworth gasp.]
- [Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. The coil of diamond tether starts to run out as the ship gets higher.]
- [Cut to: Planet Express: Meeting Room.]
Amy: Oh, no!
- [She talks in Chinese.]
Hermes: Sweet ghost of Babylon.
Zoidberg: This isn't good for Zoidberg!
- [Cut to: Outside Planet Express. The ship emerges from the hangar and flies away. The tether tightens and the ship struggles, eventually ripping the building from its foundations.]
- [Cut to: Ships Cockpit.]
Fry: Woo, yeah!
- [They laugh.]
- [Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. The other five fly through the air and hit the back wall.]
- [Scene: St. Louis. The ship flies under the Gateway Arch and loops the loop several times. The Planet Express building spins around it and the staff scream from inside.]
- [Scene: San Francisco. The building skims the surface of the water by the Golden Gate Bridge.]
- [Scene: Great Wall of China. The Chinese ignore the ship as it flies over. Seconds afterwards, the building crashes through the wall and the Mongols ride over it, wielding swords.]
- [Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Fry sits with his feet on a console while Bender literally flies by the seat of his pants.]
Bender: Hey, Fry, I'm steering with my ass!
Fry: That's the best thing I ever saw!
- [Scene: Pisa. The ship knocks the Leaning Tower upright and the locals shout angrily at them and wave their fists.]
Italian #1: You stink!
- [The building hits it and knocks it at an angle again and the Italians cheer.]
Italian #1: Alright, yeah!
Italian #2: We like you a lot!
- [The Leaning Tower topples and crushes some of them.]
- [Scene: New New York City. The ship flies past the Statue of Liberty and over Manhattan before lowering the building back onto its foundations and landing in the hangar.]
- [Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. The place is a wreck. Fry and Bender walk down the ships steps, laughing.]
Fry: That was great!
Bender: And no one suspects a thing! [He laughs and gasps when he sees the rest of the staff standing angrily at the bottom of the steps.] Whoa! [A wall collapses.] And that's how we learned our lesson!
- [Fry hides behind him and nods.]
- [Time Lapse. Farnsworth berates them.]
Farnsworth: You've gone too far this time -- all three of you!
Leela: What did I do?
Farnsworth: You left the keys in the ignition. I mean, look at those two. Wasn't it obvious what would happen?
Fry: Yeah, Leela.
Bender: We're all very disappointed in you.
Farnsworth: I should fire you three right now, but I'm just not that cold-hearted.
- [He whispers to Hermes.]
Hermes: You're all fired.
- [The others' jaws drop.]
- [Scene: Outside Planet Express. The three former employees leave through the main door. Zoidberg, Amy, Hermes and Farnsworth watch them go.]
Zoidberg: [waving] Goodbye, friends. I'll miss you. [They round a corner and hear Zoidberg talking to the others through a hole in the wall.] Good riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the popular one!
Farnsworth: Yes, yes! Let's all talk to Zoidberg.
Amy: Hey, Dr. Zoidberg, I've been thinking, do you think we could go out?
Farnsworth: So, Zoidberg, what's new?
Hermes: Tell me, Zoidberg: Is it carapace or carapass?
Zoidberg: Oh, you know!
- [Scene: Park. Fry, Leela and Bender sit on a bench.]
Fry: What are we supposed to do for money? [He opens his wallet.] All I've got is my frequent taffy eater's card, my first moustache ... [He holds it up in a bag.] ... and this picture of me and my old girlfriend, Michelle, and that ski instructor she was just friends with.
- [In the photo the ski instructor has his arm around Michelle while Fry leans into the photo, waving. Bender unscrews his head and holds it out like a bucket to a passing man.]
Bender: Pardon me, brother. Care to donate to the Anti-Mugging-You Fund? [Leela slaps his wrist.] Ow!
- [She puts his head back on.]
Leela: We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's sake, we're not veterans!
Fry: Well, what do you suggest? A daring daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant-back? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard!
Leela: No, we can get jobs.
Bender: But we just had jobs!
- [Leela opens her backpack.]
Leela: Fortunately, I still have our old career chips.
Fry: Our what?
Leela: Career chips. [She holds one up.] You remember? They assign you the job you're best at. [Fry stares blankly.] I tried to give you one and you ran away. [No response.] It's how we met!
Fry: And then what happened?
- [She sighs.]
Leela: Just give me your hand.
- [She clips him with her implant gun.]
Leela: Baby! [She clips herself.] Ow!
- [Scene: Applied Cryogenics: Ipgee's Office. Leela reapplies to the company with the motto "It Seems To Work OK" at exactly 3pm. Fry and Bender are with her.]
Leela: I'd like to reapply for my old job: Counselling defrostees and assigning them careers.
Ipgee: Oh, I was hoping you would come back! I even saved your poster of a chimp expressing your distaste for Mondays.
- [He takes the poster out of his drawer. It has a picture of a monkey wearing a tie on it. Above, "I Hate Mondays" is written.]
Leela: Monday Monkey lives for the weekend, sir.
Ipgee: Just put your hand under the scanner so I can verify your career chip. [He takes something out of another drawer and scans Leela's hand. It beeps and he looks at his computer screen.] Calcutta, we have a problem.
- ["Career: Delivery Boy" is on the screen.]
Leela: Delivery boy? I must have mixed up the chips. It's a simple mi--
- [Ipgee scans Fry's chip.]
Ipgee: Oh, here's a cryogenic counsellor! Do you like Mondays?
Fry: They're OK.
Ipgee: Then we'll have to redecorate your office. How do you feel about it helping to be crazy to work here but not being necessary?
Bender: Hey, let's see what it says about me.
- [He takes a severed human arm out of his chest cabinet and Ipgee scans it. "Prime Minister of Norway" appears on the screen.]
Ipgee: Welcome aboard, sir.
- [Scene: Applied Cryogenics: Freezer Room. Terry scrapes some condensation from the front of an active freezer tube. Fry is wears a blue uniform and he and Bender both wear white coats.]
Terry: Remember, when the tube opens, say ... [melodramatically] ... "Welcome to the world of tomorrow!"
Fry: Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what people wanna hear when they first wake up. [The freezer pings and opens. A man walks out, clutching his head.] Bathroom's that way.
- [The man pushes him out of the way and runs.]
- [Scene: Applied Cryogenics: Probulator Room. The man lies naked on the table. Sharp instruments hover above him.]
Fry: So, while you're on the Probulator, tell me what brings you to the future.
Man: Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare and I figured that time was cyclical.
Fry: Nope. Straight line. [His control panel pings.] Ah, the Probulator's done.
Man: That wasn't so bad.
Fry: Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet. [The machines start making noises and the man screams.] OK, it's about to start.
- [It pings and the man screams some more.]
- [Scene: Applied Cryogenics: Freezer Room. A freezer opens and an old man walks out, rubbing his eyes. Bender runs towards him wearing a giant fly head and a cape.]
Bender: Welcome to the future, human slave. [The man trembles and Bender laughs.] Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant fly! [He takes the cape and head off.] I'm a horrible robot! [The man backs into the freezer and Bender walks towards him, turning his head and outstretching his arms.] Kill all humans!
- [The old man clutches his chest.]
Terry: Dear God! He's having a heart attack!
- [Bender pushes the old man into the freezer, turns the dial and freezes him.]
Bender: Ah, they'll probably find a cure for that in the future.
Terry: We have a cure for it now!
Bender: Oh, good. Then you won't mind if I use this.
- [He puts a gorilla mask on.]
- [Time Lapse. Fry is frozen in a freezer. It pings, unfreezes him and the door opens. He yawns and stretches.]
Fry: Nothing like a power nap.
- [He pours himself a coffee and opens the old man's tube. There are pizza boxes, milk cartons, beers and cans of Slurm stacked around him. Fry pours some milk into his coffee. The old man defrosts.]
Old Man: Oh, flies! Flies and gorillas!
- [Fry hands him the milk and closes the door. The old man freezes again. The door to the Probulator room opens and Bender walks out.]
Bender: Stay beautiful, doll-face! [The door closes.] That Probulator sure knows how to please a man. So, what's for lunch?
Fry: I ordered a pizza.
- [The door opens and Leela walks in, wearing delivery girl garb. Her cap has a slice of pizza stuck in it.]
Leela: Pizza delivery for ... Icy Wiener. [Fry and Bender laugh.] Yeah, very funny. Now cough up the $12.95.
Fry: Sorry, but if it's not here in half an hour, it's free.
Leela: It's only been 23 minutes.
Fry: [checking his watch] Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes.
- [Leela puts the pizza box on the table and presses a button on it. The picture of a chef starts to talk.]
Chef: It's only been a-23 minutes, you dumb a-cannoli. You got a problem, we can take it outside.
Fry: OK, I'll fight the box. I think I can take him.
Leela: Fry, just pay me. I still owe 30 bucks on this uniform.
Chef: 35, you stupid meatball.
- [Time Lapse. Bender and Fry walk past the freezers, looking at a clipboard.]
Bender: Who should be unfreeze next?
- [They pass a commando-type who is holds a gun and is pulling a pin from a grenade.]
Fry: No. [They pass Weird Al Yankovic.] No! [They move onto the next one.] Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore!
- [He puts his gorilla mask on.]
- [Scene: Applied Cryogenics: Probulator Room. Pauly Shore lies on the table.]
Fry: Mr. Shore, I loved you in Bio-Dome. You sure caused some trouble in that bubble!
Shore: Rest assured, if it rhymes, I can cause trouble in it.
Fry: Hey, now that you're in the future, you can go live in an actual bio-dome!
Shore: An unattractive prospect. While researching for the role, I ran computer simulations demonstrating, incontrovertibly, that the whole bio-enclosure concept is fundamentally flawed. Be it expressed via dome, sphere, cube or even a stately tetrahedron, buddy!
- [He smacks his lips. Fry stares blankly at him.]
Fry: Oh. [He coughs.] So, how did you wind up getting frozen?
Shore: Well, while filming Encino Man my intellectual curiosity re: cryogenics was peaked, and I resolved to freeze the weasel.
Fry: The weasel?
- [He laughs.]
Shore: Hey, listen, skippy. I was supposed to be unfrozen in Hollywood for the thousandth anniversary screening of Jury Duty II. How come I'm not there?
Fry: I woke you up early so we could hang out and do stuff.
Shore: Like what?
- [Fry turns the Probulator on and Shore screams.]
- [Scene: Applied Cryogenics: Freezer Room.]
Fry: I love this job.
- [Bender wears a sheet over his head and looks like a cartoon ghost.]
Bender: Me too.
- [A freezer pings.]
Fry: Showtime! [hoarse] I'll pretend to be dying of space plague.
- [The freezer opens and Fry gasps.]
- [The condensation clears and the woman inside the freezer wakes up.]
- [Bender looks at the photo inside Fry's wallet.]
Bender: Oh, my God!
- [He steals some cash and hands the wallet back to Fry.]
Michelle: Fry? Is it really you?
Fry: I don't know. Is it really you?
Michelle: What do you mean you don't know? Are you you or not?
Fry: Who wants to know?
Michelle: Oh, Fry, it is you!
- [She hugs him and they kiss. Bender makes ghost noises.]
- [Time Lapse. Fry and Michelle are sat down.]
Fry: I don't get it, Michelle. The last time I saw you, you were doing great. You had just dumped me and you were well on your way to getting you life back on track. Why'd you freeze yourself?
Michelle: Oh, Fry. After you left, things took a turn for the worse. I got married.
Fry: I'm sorry.
- [Flashback. At Michelle's wedding, her new husband slips a ring onto her finger and they kiss.]
Michelle: [voice-over] His name was Charles. He attended a law school so prestigious the basketball team was coached by Ruth Bader Ginsberg. [The flashback changes to Michelle waving Charles off outside one of his classes. The basketball team runs by and Ruth Bader Ginsberg blows a whistle. Then it changes to Michelle being bitten by a pack of barking dogs.] I put him through law school by working as a dog walker for antisocial dogs.
- [Flashback ends.]
- [Flashback. The scene moves to Charles' graduation.]
Michelle: [voice-over] But soon after Charles graduated, our marriage ran into difficulties.
- [Charles throws his hat into the air and Michelle catches it and sees him kissing another woman.]
- [Flashback ends.]
Fry: Uh, sorry.
- [Flashback. Michelle walks the streets alone at night.]
Michelle: [voice-over] Desperately depressed, I turned to the one thing that could lessen my pain: A carnival. Unfortunately, a corn dog bone got lodged in the control panel of the Spizzler, and I had to ride it for eight hours.
Fry: [voice-over] Sorry.
Michelle: [voice-over] But it did give me a chance to think...
- [Flashback ends.]
Fry: I'm sorry.
Michelle: And I remembered the last time I was truly happy; when I was with you.
Fry: Aww. So you froze yourself to come look for me?
Michelle: No, I did it to get a fresh start. I didn't know what had happened to you -- no one did. The police were going to conduct a search but your parents felt it was a waste of taxpayer money.
Fry: That's the same reason they kept me out of school. So, no one even cared that I was gone?
Michelle: Not really. Except for one person.
- [She puts her hand on his and they move closer.]
Fry: Who was it?
- [Scene: New New York City. Fry and Michelle fly a hover-scooter over the city.]
Michelle: Everything is so different.
Fry: Not everything. There's still a roach problem.
- [A giant roach flies beside them and Fry sprays it.]
- [Scene: Museum of Really Modern Art. The artwork is on the stomachs of lots of fat men. Michelle and Fry look at a painting on Sal.]
Fry: Nowadays, people aren't interested in art that's not tattooed on fat guys.
Sal: I'm on loan from the Louvre.
- [Scene: Park. Fry and Michelle sit in a horse-drawn carriage. The cab man whips the horse and a giant bug whips him. He screams and Michelle whimpers.]
- [Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Outside the building, repair work is being done. Inside, Leela and Bender meet with Farnsworth.]
Leela: Please, Professor. Give us our jobs back. We deserve another chance.
Bender: Yeah, and if you won't give me another chance, perhaps you'd give one to ... [He puts his gorilla mask on.] ... Og, gorilla emperor of Earth!
- [The ship lands in the hangar.]
Farnsworth: I'm sorry, Og, but I've got a new crew.
- [Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. Farnsworth leans over the railings and Hermes, Amy and Zoidberg walk off the ship.]
Farnsworth: So, how was delivery to Fantasy Planet, where everyone's fantasies come to life?
Zoidberg: For one beautiful night, I knew what it was to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honoured.
- [Cut to: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Bender has the gorilla mask under his arm and Farnsworth talks to it.]
Farnsworth: You see, Og? Everything's running smoothly, yes. And with Fry fired, I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces.
Leela: Forget about Fry. You can hire us back and he'd never have to know.
- [Enter Fry.]
Fry: Hey, guys.
Leela: Oh, uh, hey, Fry!
Bender: So, as Leela was saying, Fry can go shove a big, old-- Ow!
- [Leela hits him with a phone.]
Fry: I'm glad you're all here. I wanted to introduce you to my on-again-off-again girlfriend of the past thousand years, Michelle. [Everyone claps.] Michelle, this is Leela. [Michelle screams.] This is Bender. [Michelle screams.] The Professor. [Farnsworth waves. Michelle looks at Fry and he nods. She screams.] Hermes and Amy.
Michelle: Nice to meet you.
Fry: And this is Dr. Zoidberg.
- [Zoidberg screams and runs away.]
- [Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. Fry sits on the couch and Hermes, Bender and Farnsworth stand around him.]
Hermes: Dating you ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect?
Fry: All what?
Farnsworth: This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house--
Bender: A home invasion by a former roommate.
Fry: But things are different this time. Before, she was demanding and possessive. But now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time.
- [Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Amy and Michelle sit at the table. Zoidberg, wearing a frilly apron, pours them some tea.]
Zoidberg: There you go, dearies.
- [He hums and leaves. Michelle trembles.]
Michelle: It's a relief to meet you, Amy. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to all the strange stuff here in the future.
Amy: I'm from Mars.
Michelle: [trembling] I feel so out of place here. I don't understand why Fry fits in so well.
Leela: [sitting down] Probably because he didn't fit in back in your time.
Michelle: That's true. But I used to fit in really well.
Zoidberg: Then good luck, sister.
- [He screams and walks away. Michelle drops her cup and it smashes. Seconds later it reassembles itself. She whimpers.]
- [Scene: Applied Cryogenics: Freezer Room.]
Michelle: Don't take this the wrong way, Fry, but your friends are a bunch of freaks.
Fry: Yeah, they're great, huh?
Michelle: I just don't belong here. I don't know anyone, I can't find a vanishing cream that doesn't make me actually vanish. I don't even have a job.
Fry: Oh, right. I was supposed to assign you a job. Let me just get your career chip installed. [He picks up the implant gun.] Hold out your palm. [Michelle whimpers.] What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced.
- [Michelle pushes the gun away.]
Michelle: This world is horrible. Let's start over, Fry. We'll go someplace where all we have is each other.
Fry: Ooh, romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there.
Michelle: It's not a "there". It's a "then". [She turns a freezer dial to 1000 years.] The future.
Fry: Whoa, whoa, girl. I thought you were talking about one of those motels where the bed is shaped like stuff.
Michelle: I love you. Don't you love me?
Fry: Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman. But this seems like a big step.
Michelle: Fry, why must you analyse everything with your relentless logic? Nothing matters but our love.
Fry: You're right. Let's do this now and let's never regret it.
- [They climb into the freezer and kiss. They are frozen in a flash.]
- [Scene: Desert. The freezer stands alone in a vast desert. The door opens and Fry and Michelle get out and look around what appears to be a post-apocalyptic wasteland. The ruins of buildings burn and there are cracks in the ground.]
Fry: Michelle, I don't regret this. But I both rue and lament it.
- [Time Lapse. The pair walk across the desert.]
Fry: The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000 when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers.
Michelle: It's not that bad. Fate brought us together and now fate brought us here.
Fry: No, you brought us here.
Michelle: Whine some more, Fry, I really find that attractive in a man. Now come on, build us a shelter.
Fry: Alright, fine. Everything else sucks. At least we can have a nice place to live.
- [Time Lapse. It is dark and Fry is covered in dirt. He breathes a sigh of relief.]
- [He is standing in a hole.]
Michelle: You expect me to live in a tiny little hole?
Fry: It'd be deeper, but I'm standing on a gopher.
- [Time Lapse. At dawn, Fry and Michelle are woken up by someone poking their faces with sticks.]
Michelle: Oh, look! Some little kids.
Fry: They'll save us. [The kids point guns at them.] We're saved!
- [Scene: Kids' Den. Fry and Michelle are tied up in the middle of the den, which is in the middle of some ruined buildings. One of the kids sits on a chair, elevated by some oil drums.]
Butch: I'm Butch, leader of this place. I took your hole and you can't do nothing about it.
Fry: Mighty sir, we have nowhere to go. Could we please join your society?
Butch: Well, alright. But no interfering with our grand works.
- [Time Lapse. The kids smash an old couch to bits and fight. Butch watches them and nods. Fry joins Michelle, who lies on a sun bed.]
Fry: I tell you, that Butch runs a pretty good civilisation. I think I'll enjoy serving under him.
- [Michelle groans.]
Michelle: You know your problem, Fry? You're not ambitious. You should be chief.
Fry: What do I need, ulcers?
Michelle: But I want power. I'm tired of the chief's girlfriend lording it over me with her fancy coyote hide.
- [They watch Butch's girlfriend stroking the hide.]
Fry: Alright, alright. If it'll make you happy, I'll overthrow society.
- [Time Lapse. Butch laughs.]
Butch: On what grounds do you challenge my authority?
Fry: Well, I'm older than you. I can beat you up.
- [The kids nod.]
Kid #1: Yeah, I'll bet he could.
Butch's Girlfriend: He's got arm hair.
Butch: Alright, grandpa. There's only one way to settle this: Death rolling!
- [The kids cheer.]
Fry: What's death rolling?
Orowheat: It's like skateboarding.
Ice-V: Except half the time, someone dies.
Fry: Oh, so it's a little safer than skateboarding.
- [Scene: Ruined City. At the top of a ruined building, Fry stands on a skateboard with wheels and Butch stands on a rocket-propelled one.]
Butch: Last one holding the bandana's the new leader.
- [He takes his bandana off and Fry holds one end of it.]
Michelle: My mother always said you were a loser, Fry. Now get out there and prove her wrong.
Fry: [sadly] Beth said that?
Butch's Girlfriend: [in Hebrew] One, two, three.
- [Butch flies down the ramp, dragging Fry with him. They tug back and forth on the bandana as they wind through the ruined streets. Butch pulls Fry through a sewer pipe and Fry's hair makes sparks on the side of it. They leave the sewer pipe and jump on a highway. Two armoured vehicles drive either side of them and the occupants shoot at each other. They flip over and Fry and Butch dodge them. Fry rolls down the opposite lane, straight towards an oncoming car. He lifts his skateboard onto the other side, missing the car. Butch holds onto the bumper of a car and Fry grabs the bumper of another one. He coughs as he gets exhaust in his face. The cars split and Fry and Butch roll towards a lamppost. The bandana wraps around it and their heads collide. The kids and Michelle gather around.]
Butch: It's cool. Back off! [He looks at his bleeding knee.] [crying] My knee. I scraped it!
Fry: Aww. Poor little guy. Let me just take a look at-- Aha! [He snatches the bandana and dances around.] I won! I'm the new chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the most!
- [The kids takes their guns out.]
Butch: Hand it over, you giant idiot.
- [An armoured car pulls up and honks its horn.]
Butch's Girlfriend: Hey, Butch, your mom's here.
Butch: Aw, man.
Butch's Mom: Come on, kids. You're late for Hebrew school.
- [The kids groan and drop their guns.]
Orowheat: I don't wanna go.
Butch's Girlfriend: Every Monday and Wednesday's the same thing.
- [They get into the car and drive away.]
Fry: I find this post-apocalyptic wasteland very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded out.
Michelle: That's because you're a loser. You were a loser in the year 2000 and you're a loser in the year 4000.
Fry: Yeah, but in the year 3000, I had it all. Several friends, a low-paying job, a bed in a robot's closet. I envied no man. But you wrecked everything.
Michelle: Quit standing up for yourself, Fry. When we get back to the hole we are going to have a long, boring talk about our relationship!
Fry: Oh, yeah? Well, listen to this: [whispering] I'm leaving you.
- [He runs away.]
- [Scene: Desert. Fry walks alone through the misty desert.]
Fry: There must be people somewhere.
- [He climbs a small hill and sees some lights in the distance. He slips on some loose stones and bounces down the other side of the hill.]
- [Time Lapse. The mist is thicker. Fry falls to the ground. The mist clears a little and something comes into view.]
Fry: Yes! Footprints! And hand prints? [The mist clears some more and he sees the foot and hand prints are signed by Clark Gable. Some more signatures appear including those of Florp, Dame Calista Flockhart, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Slurms MacKenzie, Calculon and James Mason.] But? What's happening?
- [He stands up and sees Loew's Gaddafi's Chinese Theater in front of him. He steps back. The Planet Express ship lands beside him, crushing a floodlight. People scatter. Leela, Bender and Farnsworth walk off the ship.]
Leela: Fry, thank God we found you.
Fry: Leela? What are you guys doing here in the year 4000?
Leela: It's not the year 4000.
Bender: You were only frozen for two days. Uh, by the way, I broke your bed.
Farnsworth: You were in Pauly Shore's tube and they were delivering it to his movie screening.
- [He points to the sign on the theatre; Jury Duty II Trouble On The Hubble Starring Dr. Paul Shore. 1000th Anniversary Gala!"]
Leela: But, when they noticed you weren't him, they chucked you in a ditch.
Fry: So you're saying these aren't the decaying ruins of New York in the year 4000?
Farnsworth: You wish! You're in Los Angeles!
Fry: But there was this gang of 10-year-olds with guns.
Leela: Exactly, you're in L.A.
Fry: But everyone is driving around in cars shooting at each other.
Bender: That's L.A. for you.
Fry: But the air is green and there's no sign of civilisation whatsoever.
Bender: He just won't stop with the social commentary.
Fry: And the people are all phoneys. No one reads. Everything has cilantro on it-- [A limo pulls up and the window comes down. Inside, Michelle and Pauly Shore drink champagne.] Michelle, baby!
Michelle: It's not working out, Fry.
- [The limo drives away. Pauly Shore pokes his head out of the sunroof.]
Shore: [shouting] Tis better to have loved and lost, n'est ce-pas?
- [He laughs.]
- [Scene: Ships Cockpit. Fry looks out of the window as the ship flies back to New New York.]
Fry: That's it. I've had it with women. From now on, I'm concentrating on my career. Can I have my old job back?
Farnsworth: Why, I've forgotten why I even fired you.
Bender: 'Cause he destroyed your business, your home and all your possessions.
Farnsworth: Oh, that's right. Get lost!
- [He pulls a lever and the floor opens up beneath Fry. He falls out of the ship and screams.]
- [Closing Credits.]